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[quote=Anonymous]OP, it’s sounds like we are strikingly similar. Maybe I can help?

DH and I are worth $5M+, he makes 7 figures, and let’s just say he pays more in taxes than I make (and I’m a $200K+ MD/JD/MBA type.) I still work, and I have deep financial anxiety. I question if being a SAHM is for me, but the thought of making myself dependent on another human being is truly terrifying.

I do talk about it with my therapist. It’s multi-layered, but starts with some real inter generational trauma of having grandmothers and aunts who were financially abused by their spouses (and physically abused to boot). While it never happened to my mother, I do think people truly underestimate how traumatizing it is to watch a woman be trapped in a marriage and *not be able to get out*. It’s like someone who grows up poor – it never really leaves you. I’ve also worked incredibly hard for my career, and while I have moments of wanting to say eff this, I do love having an identity outside of wife and mother, and I love having my own money. I’m still trying to decide if I want to take on a bigger career when my children are older (maybe high school?), or if I’ll just want to throw in the towel and become a lady of leisure who’s sits on charity boards. My solution for now is a highly flexible, work from home job + nanny.

One final note – I have noticed that generally women who become stay at home moms tend to have a higher financial risk appetite naturally. Clearly, I’ve got my own anxiety so I’m not a bellwether, but I have observed this sort of eternal financial and marital optimism in them. Even in the face of talks about divorce and job loss. Good for them; I wish them well. It’s just not who I am. [/quote]

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