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Reply to "Travelled to interview, not sure what to think of prospective boss"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Big vibe of "I suffered through it and you should too" on here. [/quote] I think the issue is that OP is talking mostly about her feelings and not the behavior that was problematic. So without more specifics, we’re inclined to shrug it off. I don’t have an issue with all of the meals and ride sharing. I do have an issue if he was “angry” with OP for drawing some boundaries. Either way, I’d ask where the offer is.[/quote] PP you're responding to. Yes, what you say is fair. Some of these things like picking her up at the airport might, on their own, be benign. I do think that with the full context, including his reaction to her saying she's arranged her own transportation, she has some reason the feel off. And of course, it is her subjective reaction. I respect it because she was there. I wasn’t. People are saying it's not not valid because she was annoyed at the first text and about breakfast (ie, before the sex remarks). But I'm thinking she's viewing everything now in the context of the full interview and what texts she received after. Basically I'm really grossed out by so many posters picking on every little thing OP said and why it's no big deal. Implying she's acting like an old lady. Implying she's too old to be attractive to this man. Even though we know so many men are like this and know how to skirt the line so they haven't done anything actionable (and this is just the interview! This is his best behavior!). In my experience women tend to underreact and try to justify male behavior, and here is a group of women telling another woman she is overreacting and dramatic. It's sad to me. [/quote] OP here. Yes, who gets angry because someone took the initiative to arrange for their own transportation (since none was offered)? I personally would be happy if I didn't have to interrupt my day to go to the airport. And it wasn't a one and done text. He kept pressing and trying to make it happen, even though I was standing firm. A simple "I'm more than happy to pick you up...are you sure? Ok then, let me know if you change your mind" would suffice. Not firing off crazy texts. [/quote] But OP— This was you trying to manage UP. In this scenario, you were the interviewee, and it was not up to you to set the agenda and the schedule and terms of the interview events. I get the sense that any frustration you read from him was likely due to his feeling that you were trying to unnecessarily and inappropriately exert your dominance and try to control the process when you should have played the role of gracious guest. You asked “who gets angry because someone took initiative…” but the answer is LOTS of people might be taken aback that you assumed you’d just be doing your own thing and arranging your own schedule—and even further frustrated when you refuse to adjust even when it was been communicated to you that other arrangements had been made and your presence was expected for a 1:1 lunch meeting as part of the interview schedule. It’s just weird to react as though HE was the odd one here.[/quote]
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