Reply to "I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"

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Reply to ""I won't date someone whose parents are divorced""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can't believe so many of you have taken the side that this makes sense. It's so judgmental.  I am not the same person as my mother.  I'm a competent adult with my own thoughts and values and I make my own choices.  If you're not competent enough to do the same, then you make a bad partner whether or not your parents are married or divorced. It's inane that I would be judged based on my parents' choices (and my parents aren't divorced, just saying this hypothetically).  If you judge me based on them, then good riddance to you, I dodged a bullet.

What if cancer runs in someone's family?  Would you not marry them because either your kids might get cancer on the early side, or they might get cancer and you'd become a widow/widower?  I don't agree with this either but it actually makes more sense because cancer is actually something that's genetic that you can't control.  Choices are under your control, assuming you're mentally healthy to start with.  [/quote]

I don't see so many agreeing. It is a judgement based on statistics. It's not even a huge discrepancy in statistics. Clearly people need to see others as individuals and not percentage points of likelihood to do something or not.[/quote]

I think the thing here is that the PP (above this last one)who is feeling “judged” is taking it personally as though the guy is saying she isn’t “worthy” of dating bc of her parents’ divorce. And I get where anecdotally it feels icky and offensive if you fall into that group bc you totally could make a different choice than your parents and get married and stay married! But as this PP pointed out, statistically, if the goal is to make sure you stay married, it’s a better bet to date a girl whose parents are not divorced. That’s just a fact.
It’s like it you want your kids to grow up going to church just like your family did, then statistically you should aim to date and marry someone whose family also went to church every week. Doesn’t mean that there aren’t people who are converts after having kids OR who go to church even though their parents didn’t! It just means that if you want to better your odds at being a church-going family, you marry someone whose family of origin already shares that as a valued norm and practice.
No need to get offended. There are always exceptions. And maybe that fiancé missed out on dating some great girls...but he set the parameters based on statistics, not on you (or anyone else) personally so that he could heighten the odds of achieving his no-divorce goal.[/quote]

Too many words.  Is the goal a happy marriage, or not getting divorced?  Those are two separate things.  Avoiding potential partners whose parents who are divorced does nothing to further the goal of a happy marriage as far as I can tell.[/quote]

+1. This is the only response that matters. Do you want and intact marriage or a healthy marriage?  [/quote]

Ideally, you should want both, not enjoying the happy times then getting out of marriage as soon as you hit a rough patch or find a better option.[/quote]

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