Reply to So tired of MIL acting like she’s the hostess in my home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What was she like as a hostess in her own home when she hosted big holidays? Did she enjoy it? Is she an anxious person?[/quote]

She claims to love it all, but doesn’t plan properly and always acts surprised by things like the fact that you actually need to set the Thanksgiving table, not just prepare food. She declines all offers for help and acts like I’m crazy for offering to set the table ahead of time. Then when everything is finally served after she, you know, finds everything and sets the table, she grumbles that it’s cold. Her food is fine, she’s just not good at planning or accepting help. Maybe it annoys her that DH and I actually think things through and have a lot down so it’s always taken care of and fairly easy to pull off.[/quote]
Or maybe she is trying to help but is not very good at helping but is trying anyway because she thinks it’s polite. [/quote]

+1 It sounds to me like she hasn’t quite figured out how to be the matriarch in your home, or just doesn’t really know what her role is or how to help. I see it as an awkward effort to not feel useless.[/quote]

Just to add - I think I would feel compassion for her rather than irritation.[/quote]

+1. My MIL does this too. I think it's just ingrained and she's trying to be polite/feel useful and it comes out in this weird way. I find it mildly annoying/amusing when she asks me if she can get me something IN MY OWN HOME. I just say breezily, "oh no, you go sit down, what can I get for YOU?" [/quote]

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