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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wait it out my fanny.  Are you some doormat SAHM who's congratulating herself on how much crap she put up with for decades?  Sorry but allowing yourself to be mistreated ks not a solution, it's a failure.[/quote]

Um, no, and I'm not sure what your vaginas has to do with this.  [/quote]

So your advice is for OP to do all the work herself, allow herself to be treated disrespectfully by a lazy and irresponsible man, let him waste their money, this goes on for decades, and at the end what's the prize?  Still being married to a jerk who's slightly better?  No thanks.[/quote]

He sounds immature. That tends to improve over time.

Where I'm coming from with this is, I did have a husband that didn't do as much housework as I felt he should and also was irresponsible with money. At some point I decided to stop nagging and just accept the situation.  It was not easy and it was not fair.  Fast forward about 10 years- he is now a much greater contributor to the household-- does all cooking, shopping, schlepping the kids around, and a non-terrible amount of cleaning. (I still do more cleaning.)  And, his income is now extremely high, high enough that he is still able to make silly purchases or lose money in predictable ways and it doesn't impact us at all.  I dislike clutter, so I don't love this trait, but it isn't a crisis like it was before. So yes-- people can and often do have a difficult time in the first part of marriage and then go on to have a great marriage.

It sounds like she's done and is leaving him, and that's also a path forward. But this is something that is a fairly common problem in relationships, and if you read the research on it, it does tend to improve with time, and in later life actually flips, with men doing more housework than women in retirement age.   [/quote]

But what if he didn't improve?  What if he never made money?  Would it be worth it then?  Seems like a big gamble, especially if retirement security is on the line.[/quote]

Yeah, that was a gamble. My retirement wasn't on the line though, we were financially okay in that department, along with paying for college, etc.  After devoting a lot of time reading studies on the division of housework in modern American families, I decided that it was likely to improve and focused on that.  It's hard to visualize the counterfactual, how I would have felt if we were still dealing with this. But I tend to be data driven and the numbers for married people are generally better than unmarried.

If my husband never made money at all, I wouldn't have married him. Financial security is a huge factor to me.  He was always a good earner, just an even better spender until he made so much it'd be difficult to spend it. [/quote]

So you married an immature man who treated you badly, but that's ok because money?[/quote]

He treated me poorly in a way that the majority of men treat their wives poorly.  In most American households, women do the majority of housework.  So, uh, yeah, like most women in hetero couplings, who stay married, I tolerated this suboptimal yet common condition until it subsided. My decision to do so was less about money and more about wanting to be married to a man.   [/quote]

That's pathetic. Why would you even want to be married to a man if you think the majority of men treat their wives poorly? [/quote]

OP has since clarified that her situation is substantially different from mine. I had garden-variety housekeeping issues that are normal. Why would I want to be married when being married sometimes produces conflict, unequal balances etc? [b]Because I consider these things to be part of the human condition[/b].  [/quote]

Well, that's convenient for these useless spouses, because they do not. Men don't stay in relationships that make their lives more difficult. [/quote]

Au contraire. That’s just it. They didn’t understand that adulting and raising children and maintain a house was actually a lot of constant effort. But they stay in these “relationships” that have more responsibilities, but don’t ID them or do them. Their life is more difficult because their wife and kids keep asking them to do stuff. But they won’t do it, and they certainly won’t do it proactively or on their own accord.[/quote]

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