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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP back with an update.

YOU GUYS. I dug up his financial stuff (we’ve always kept it separate on his insistence) and he makes TWICE what I thought he did.

WHERE IS ALL HIS MONEY GOING???

I’m floored. I thought this was just a case of mismanagement but now it’s clear he spending his money on something or someone, and it’s not his family. [/quote]

Agree with a PP who said, show documentation to your lawyer and see what he or she says.

OP, expect your DH to gaslight you and claim you aren't remembering that he actually told you exactly what he makes and where it goes. "I showed you ages ago! Is there something wrong with you that you don't remember it?!" If he tries that approach, know you are being gaslighted (made to feel YOU are misremembering/your reality is not valid/he knows what really happened but you're nuts and forgetful/etc.). If he does this, you know things are much worse than issues with housework.

Not sure what form of evidence you found but be [i]sure[/i] the $ isn't going into legit things like 401s, 529s, other places like that. But if he makes twice what you last knew of, it's hard to believe that ALL that difference in income is going into those legit places, though. Just be sure you can't be walloped with "See, if you'd really looked, you'd have seen it's going into the kids' college funds" etc.

It's a red flag to me that he insisted from the start of marriage that finances be separated. I KNOW, some on DCUM do this with success in good marriages, but in your case it sounds as if he was intent on maintaining his own single guy mind-set. Which would track well with his disinterest in all household stuff, his tendency to spend free moments playing around, his refusals to help with even kid stuff like taking a child to an activity. He has no real INTEREST in his children as people, in being part of a household beyond himself, etc. The separate finances track with that mind-set, OP. But for now? Stop dealing with Fair Play cards blah blah and focus on the financial deception (after you are rock solid sure that his money has indeed been vanishing and not going elsewhere). Lawyer with experience in financial forensics for you, now. 
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