Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

Forum Index » Adult Children

Reply to "What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So DS 30's has finally gone into therapy to work on himself, but now he is basically blaming me and my marriage problem/fighting, my religion that I forced on him, my homeschooling, my house rules, etc. All these things caused his mental problems and unhappiness according to his therapist. I have apologized if I contributed but there is not much to be done now. He wrote me a letter about it. It's depressing have all this blame hurled at me, I can't change the past and I wasn't a perfect parent - but we did our best and I thought he had a fairly happy childhood, much better than DH and I. I tried to give him the childhood I wanted as a kid. It's causing me to feel down. No one can hurt you like your kid.[/quote]

I suspect that therapists cause more problems than they solve.

[/quote]

Typical response given by someone who is not capable of admitting their own fault or failures.[/quote]

Yup. Totally lacking introspection and empathy, too.[/quote]

+1 OP’s response is unbelievable. [/quote]

It’s clear to see why her kids might have issues from their childhood. [/quote]

Why, because she did the best she could? Because she made choices that she thought would make them happy? Because she's not GOD and actually didn't know PRECISELY what the child needed or wanted?

Gimme a break. You are ridiculous. OP did what she thought was best for her child. Plenty of mothers don't bother. Mine didn't.[/quote]

Op stated that her son expressed that he wanted to attend a brick and mortar school and that he didn't want to go to church while he was still a child. Rather than listening to him and working out a solution where they could both be happy, she railroaded him, labelled him "difficult" and forced him to compky with *HER* will.[/quote]

Of course she did. She was the parent. He was the child. That was her job -- to do what she thought was right for him, not let him decide. Do you really think that's unusual? Or is it just because religion is involved? No kid WANTS to go to church! They also don't want to do a lot of other things we think are in their best interests. Of course they are "railroaded." That's called parenting.[/quote]

In some families it isn't just going to church, their entire life is about the religious beliefs. Homeschooling is part of this isolation from society. The Duggar family is an example of this and it is cultlike. I grew up in an evangelical home like this and it was extremely abusive physically and emotionally, not to mention weird sex concepts. Bill Gothard with his Institute of Basic Life Principles messed up many children and families. I was a difficult child according to my parents so I was beaten daily to break me like a horse. No one on the outside would have known what was going on, I managed to be a likable honor student. Maybe OP is a different religion but because of my life experience, this is what I picture their home was like, including the fighting.

OP and others approached by their adult children should care enough to apologize period, no ifs or buts. In my 20's I wrote a letter to my parents and then tried talking to them. I was told that I had always been unloveable and difficult. I was lectured from a stack of Christian books. After a couple hours, my dad half apologized if he overspanked and that was it. My mom only smirked at me and said "Well, we're all grownups now."   [/quote]

Very similar story here, except I got my father back as an adult. My mother was the driver of the evangelical bus, he was reluctantly along for the ride til they divorced. "Breaking the child's will" was a sermon topic, I believe. My mother took her God-derived spanking responsibilities very seriously. I think she would have homeschooled us if she'd even wanted to put up with us all day, but mostly she just locked us out of the house until it was time to get pretty for church.

I have also heard that I was a difficult child. I believe I was born just about perfect but was then traumatized into ADD-like behaviors. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics