Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Making someone's life better than your own doesn't necessarily mean they had a GOOD life. If you were beaten twice a day and you only beat your child once a week, you still beat your child, you see?

Saying "I'm sorry if I contributed to your unhappiness...." is not a real apology. It's the word "if" that's the problem. You need to change it to the word "that".

But lets review what he's saying: his parents were fighting, you wouldn't let him be an independent thinker regarding religion, and on top of all that, he was isolated via homeschooling. Yeah, who wouldn't be upset by all that?! [/quote]

I am very sorry, but it certainly wasn't intentional to harm him.[/quote]

This is the most facile, infuriating response I can think of.  You didn't intend to harm him?  SO what?  If you intended to harm him, that's an entirely different conversation.  The fact is that you did, or at least he believes you did.  Your motivation has nothing to do with it.  [/quote]

Yes, it has everything to do with it. People can only do the best they can. That's LITERALLY all they are capable of. Someone's motivations make all the difference in the world to most people.[/quote]

If you step on my foot accidentally, it hurts and a simple apology is appreciated. If you step on it intentionally it hurts *and* you are a mean person, and I wouldn’t even hope for an apology from you.

Intent matters but impact matters too. [/quote]

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