Reply to Friend asked to join book club

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ask the group but I think your reasons for excluding her are lame. If you weren’t open to new members, she should not know about it. It sounds like you discussed it. [/quote]

OP put her foot in her mouth and now can't think of how to fix the faux pas. Don't mention the secret groups if they are exclusive and not taking new members. [/quote]

Why should it be a secret? 
Neighbor - want to come over for a glass of wine on Friday?
OP - I can’t. I have book club.
Neighbor- oh really? I’ve been looking for a book club to join. 
OP - ????? um ??!!

OP - If you are open to it, you could start a new, different book club with the new friend. [/quote]

It's like talking about parties you know other people aren't invited to. It's weird and most people try not to do that.[/quote]

Ok, but if you said “want to get together Friday?” And I say “I can’t, I have plans” isn’t that weird and secretive? OP calls it book club but it’s not book club, it’s a regularly scheduled meet-up with friends. OP didn’t even think about saying “book club” because they have probably called it that at home for so long. My mom was a teacher and she would go have margaritas once a month with her colleagues from her building. They called it “choir practice”. I think this “book club” is similar.

It’s not weird or mean or rude for my friends to know that I have other friends. It’s only rude when the other person has a reasonable expectation of being included. If I said I was going to my family reunion, an alumni gathering, or a networking happy hour, that is not rude because you would not expect to be included unless you were also my relative, an alumni, or in my industry.

AND all the crazies on this thread are why every invite I sent starts off by declaring who is included - 
Hey 3rd grade moms! 
9th St Moms
Little league AA Pirates moms

. .  . and then I invite everyone in that category. [/quote]

In that case, OP should have clarified that it’s really a bunch of old friends getting together and not really a book club.[/quote]

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