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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP & update
DH did talk to his sister earlier in week and she first presented her DHs brother & family being there as total misunderstanding, no big deal. We did learn that they had had this visit them/stay over when they were using our house w/our permission - which while I personally would have mentioned and probably I, not necessarily my DH, would have been fine with. When DH pressed point of our invitation have always been clear (listing days/dates) his sister was ‘we assumed it was a little wishy washy’ (Urghh we’ve ALWAYS been specific!!) She acted like it was protecting our interests that they’d told them that since THEY weren’t coming the other family should just treat house like a camp with a toilet and pool - and not go in house. And she pointed out that they left as soon as we came. Because it was a call, not in person, DH felt like he made his points and will follow up when we see them - actually tomorrow at a cousin’s house.
We’re still doing Labor Day but my DH says he’s done with them using house without us. We’re not going to make some big announcement-but obviously they took our generosity as a sense of ownership we never intended.[/quote]

New poster. Glad you're still doing Labor Day. MANY PPs don't seem to understand, or don't care, that the cousins are close. You and DH are doing the right thing NOT to make the cousins pay for this incident by axing a tradition they anticipate and enjoy. You are modeling for the kids that "scorched earth"/estrangement/"cutting people off" is not a mature reaction and that kids should not have to experience fallout from what were terrible decisions by adults. Good for you and DH. I'd add, though -- please try to keep further discussion of this out of the kids' earshot. They already are surely well aware of all the upset; your own kids were there when the strangers were at the house. I would try to ensure that this doesn't turn into a constant sore spot the kids hear about over and over. Yes, it IS a sore spot, but it shouldn't have to be one that takes up the kids' mental real estate. [/quote]

I totally agree. [/quote]

Agree. Surprised at the number of people who want to throw this relationship away. It may never be the same
Because of what they did. But it is worth trying to keep a relationship. [/quote]

I sort of agree. I wouldn’t write them off for this one thing, but I also wouldn’t try to hold on too hard to a relationship with people who lack judgment on that level and would loan out my house to people I don’t know on the sly. It’s not like they brought their widowed neighbor with no family to thanksgiving so she wouldn’t have to spend her first holiday without her spouse alone. They secretly invited someone to camp on their porch and use their pool for a weekend. That’s not generous and kind, it’s reckless and greedy. I’d be worried about what other boundaries they’d cross and how else they’d take advantage, so I’d never be able to fully enjoy my time with them because I’d always have my guard up. That doesn’t sound like a great relationship. [/quote]

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