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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil. [/quote]

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.[/quote]
I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages.  I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”. [/quote]

NP. If my nanny backed out of an agreement because she was uncomfortable (I’ll go slow so you can follow along):
I
Would
Know
Something
Wasn’t 
Right
With
Her

And I would be grateful that she spoke up and didn’t try to force herself into childcare she couldn’t handle. [/quote]
Sometimes 
Nothing
Is
Wrong
And 
People
Are
Just
Flakes. [/quote]

I don’t leave my kids with flaky people. Do you? [/quote]
Would be lovely if flaky people came labeled, but unfortunately they don’t. It takes experience. And it’s harder when it’s your in laws because there are more dynamics at play. I’d venture a guess that some camp counselor or teacher my child has had could be labeled flaky. Maybe you can pre screen for moral competency/lack of flakiness immediately. Most people can’t. [/quote]

There are screenings for teachers, daycare workers, lifeguards, camp counselors, etc. Those screenings are called job interviews and references.

When you rely on family members, neighbors or friends, you open the door to a bit of flakiness. But here’s what: better to have someone reveal they are unreliable BEFORE the parents leave for an international trip than during said trip. And if you can’t agree with me on that, don’t bother replying, because we have very different values when it comes to the safety, security and care of our children. [/quote]
Of course I agree with that. I also believe that there will be consequences to her relationship with her MIL. OP is annoyed and that’s to be expected. They won’t plan to leave the kids with her again. Literally no one has disagreed that it’s better MIL backed out now. For some reason you feel the need to repeat it over and over. [/quote]

And of course I agree with you that the natural consequence here is that OP is entitled to feel annoyed and that the relationship will take a hit. But here’s what you seem unwilling to admit: OP literally said on page 1, when asked why she was frustrated with her husband, “Because he won’t even try to reason with her.”

Like, you can’t “reason” an unreliable person into being a reliable caregiver. You really support OP in wanting her husband to “reason” his mother into taking this on when she has said directly that she cannot do it? For some reason you need to defend OP over and over in that she’s expecting her husband to browbeat an unwilling elderly woman into being a reliable caregiver during a 12-day international trip.[/quote]

Not browbeat but at least meet in the middle and stay in our house while we hire a nanny for all hours. I need a family member there but she would not have to do anything but be there. [/quote]

She said she can’t. Someone you expect to stay overnight in your house with your kids says they can’t do it. So you can’t “need” her into being a competent, reliable, comfortable caregiver for your children. There is no “halfway” for me when it comes to always leaving them with people who are competent, comfortable, confident, reliable and up to the challenge. The fact that you don’t seem to see these red flags waving is very concerning. I get that you are disappointed. But my goodness…you’re so willing to leave your kids with someone who has said it’s too much and they can’t do it. Wow.[/quote]

Well families help one another. We will be taking care of her for decades because she didn’t plan for retirement. Is it really wrong to ask her to at least sleep at our house so a family member the kids love and care about is with them? We offered to get a working nanny who would also stay and she declined. [/quote]

It's not wrong to ask. You did. But now you don't like the answer. So, now what? Threaten her? She chooses not to work, but sounds like that's your choice as well. What's your job?[/quote]

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