Reply to If you were beaten as a child….

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.

Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?[/quote]

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.[/quote]

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away. [/quote]

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults. [/quote]

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.[/quote]

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.[/quote]s

Seriously, there is a lot of guidance by psychologists that talking it out is better. I'm not saying it's right, but many of my friends don't believe it's right to have consequences for children. Spanking is wrong (ok sure makes sense), taking privileges away is wrong, have consequences doesn't help. So all I hear is to talk nicely and show empathy. I just don't understand how that leads to a respect for authority. [/quote]

NP here.

You’re right that a lot of parents are way too permissive and don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries with their kids. But actually parents who spank can sometimes be like that too, and it’s not a new thing. It has always been the case that some parents don’t have the skills to be anything other than permissive.

For me, a respect for authority is not the goal. I want my kids to respect people, not authority (and anybody, authority figures included, can be undeserving of respect).

I am trying to focus on teaching my kids to regulate their emotions, to understand that their behavior has consequences for others, that it’s unacceptable to hurt others, and that they need to take accountability for their actions and the impacts of their actions. It’s hard to get there, but I just try to be firm and enforce boundaries while still being respectful. I don’t try to protect their feelings at the expense of important  life lessons; their negative feelings are okay and can be useful.

Anyway, this is all really hard and it’s what I go for. And I’m so focused on that that it never crossed my mind to spank. [/quote]

It's sad parents don't teach respect for authority. This is why kids are disrespectful to teachers, police officers, principals. Disgusting. And we wonder why crazy stuff is happening in the news. [/quote]

Really? I’d rather have my kids be like the founding fathers who rebelled against their king because of taxes than like somebody who just blindly does what they’re told just because somebody had been endowed with authority.

Like I said, I want my kids to respect *people.* This includes authority figures. I would not be okay with my kid refusing to follow a teachers instructions to line up quietly , for instance. But I would also not want my kid to assume that you should always do what you’re told to do by a person in a position of power. [/quote]

NP. You can respect people and not blindly follow. This statement is super ignorant. [/quote]

DP It seems to me like the two of you agree that respect is good and blind obedience is bad. No need to be hostile.[/quote]

Yes, but as a teacher I hate parents that believe they should not teach kids to respect authority. It makes our job so impossibly hard.[/quote]

Real power is earned and not given based on job title or rank. That is a universal fact among human beings.[/quote]

This is an odd statement considering for how long in human history power was based on physical dominance.  Now that we are moving away from that, we need other ways to define power.  Being the teacher in a classroom, is one way.[/quote]

I don’t think you understand history very well. Hitler was not a big strong man. Neither was Napolean, or Kim Jong or Stalin or….

Power comes from persuasion, not brute strength.[/quote]

I don’t think you understand history very well. Dictators have other people use brute strength on their behalf. They don't need to be personally strong because they have armies and police. Their "power of persuasion" came from the knowledge that the dictator could have you shot if you got out of line.[/quote]

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