Reply to Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?

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Reply to "Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]" He is a devoted husband and father and feels closer to the kids because I spend so much time with them"

Absentee spouse and father feels closer to the kids  because YOU spend so time with them.  WTF? [/quote]

Try reading the entire post rather than look for pieces to pull out and pounce on.  I repeat. he works long hours, BUT MANAGES THE FAMILY TIME PRETTY WELL.  He is in no way, shape or form, an absentee spouse or father.  Would we love it if he was home by 5 every afternoon - yes!  But that just isn't our reality.

[b]And yes, because DH and I talk several times a day about all the cute stuff the baby did and what's going on with the older DCs, even while he is away, he feels connected.[/b]  That does mean that is his ONLY interaction with us.  Geesh, people.

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whatever works for you - fine

But talking about the kids is NOT the same as parenting them.  You may as well send him videos when he's away. What's the difference?[/quote]

You are either slow, didn't read my entire post, or are just desperately looking for little pieces of posts to attack to make yourself feel better about something.

I repeat - DH DOES parent.  He is a very involved spouse and father.  However, he cannot parent from the office.  When he is at work - we stay connected.  This is NOT the only way he connects with us, don't be ridiculous.

If we both WOH, other than calling to check in with the daycare or nanny - we wouldn't have the same experience.  A hired provider would not share the same level of interest or excitement about every little thing that our offspring did that day and would not relay it in the same way.    We are crazy about our kids and happy to be so present.

I'll say it one more time for good measure.  DH does not vicariously parent through me.  He is very involved with his children, WOH full time, works long hours but has flexibility.  Spends quality time with the DCs.  Even during hours at the office, stays connected (through me, better than he could otherwise.) Get it?

I don't get how WOHMs have jumped all over this comment.  My DH WOH full time and is in a field of work that requires some long days.  But no one would dare call a WOHM with a demanding career an absentee mother or say that she is not parenting - oh, no, gasp!

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New Poster. The dynamic that often happens when one parent works and one stays home is that the working parent has more freedom, in a sense, to focus on a career. That is great, but because we both work, it really forces my husband to focus on kids in a way he wouldn't have to if I stayed home. Daycare is in his building, so he checks them in and out, goes down and reads to the preschool class, makes it to all the events, etc. He also has to do his share of sick days and pediatrician appointments - he actually does more of those since his job is very flexible and mine is not (though I don't work as many hours as he does). He gets up with them at night usually because we both work and he is able to more easily fall back asleep after getting up. So, in many ways our situation is exactly opposite of yours - you are saying your staying home allows your DH to be more present in their lives, whereas I believe my working allows my husband to step up a lot more.

I'm not judging your situation or saying you are wrong. I get where you are coming from, just offering a different vantage point. Frankly if one of us had a demanding career that wasn't flexible and required long hours, and also made great money, it would make sense for the other to stay home, or maybe go PT since I don't think I'd want to stay home full time, at least not at this stage in my life.  So I get why it works for some people to do things differently than we do - really there are so many circumstances at play that factor into these decisions, and of course not everyone gets to chose. Fact is though I love working and I don't think I'd make a great SAHM, I bring home half our income so it's not so much a choice for me anyway. And we only have two kids and aren't planning for more. I can't imagine working with three!

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