Reply to What is with DCUM women and "mental loads?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's not new, and it's not exclusive to DCUM. Who in your household keeps track of birthdays, doctors appointments, clothing sizes, early dismissals, permission slips, camp signups, holiday cards, and meal planning? Does that person also have a paid job?[/quote]

I do all of this and have a paid job. It's not hard. Why do women seem to struggle with it?

-- Single Dad.

[/quote]

If you had a spouse who adds to the labor in your household (one more person to feed, one more person whose laundry needs to be done, one more person who has appointments and commitments around which family plans have to be made), but that spouse didn’t contribute equally to running the household, you might feel resentful. Also, was there anything that your wife did that you don’t do for the household? Do you entertain just as much, decorate just as much, write as many thank you cards, stay in equally in touch with extended relatives, buy as many gifts for your nieces/nephews, etc.? If you do, that’s wonderful, but you’re the exception, not the rule.[/quote]

He responded. He doesn’t, he offloads everything onto his kids, who are older teens. [/quote]

There’s your martyr complex again. He empowers his teens to take responsibility for their own needs, while he still provides for them financially. They  will be much better off fir it in college, being self-sufficient adults, than the offspring of helicopter martyr moms when they’re out on their own for the first time after having been raised with learned helplessness because poor, abused helicopter mommy did everything for them so she could complain about it.[/quote]

There is a balance to be struck with teens. There is a difference between checking out and giving kids responsibility and independence with guidance. It's not a choice between the extremes of helicopter or neglect. But checking out and calling it "giving kids independence" is disingenuous.[/quote]

+1 I think the Single Dad's example of sending his daughters to the doctor alone is pretty negligent. And he never came back to talk about how he (?) managed the elementary years when the mental load is enormous.[/quote]

Sending a kid old enough to drive to the doctor alone is not negligent.  Raising a kid who can’t handle that might be.

[/quote]

+1,000, presuming it is a routine doctor’s checkup appointment and not a chemotherapy appointment, which there is absolutely 0% indication that it is anything of the sort[/quote]

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