Reply to I don't want to be under pressure when my DH isn't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This thread really had some potential until the PP who hasn’t taken a vacation in 20 years came along and decided to make it all about her.

I noticed that the OP never responded to the questions about how much money she and her DH make, and whether he is a Fed. I expect that (assuming OP is actually a legit poster) the gulf between their incomes is not large, and that they are on track for decent college savings and a good life financially. It’s just that OP is consumed by jealousy that her friends or others she grew up with are much wealthier than she. If riches are her goal in life, trying to flog her husband into becoming a rainmaker won’t t work, and neither will divorce alone, most likely. She’s going to need to get the big job herself, maybe through her family’s network since she grew up UMC?

Any one else have any ideas about how a bitter, ambitious woman in her thirties with kids and possibly a soon to be ex-husband can get the life of luxury she feels is due her? [/quote]

I didn’t think it was that relevant so I didn’t answer, but I can no problem. My DH is a GS-14 and I make about 250k with bonus.

I don’t care that I earn more than DH. [b]To me the issue is that he is COMFORTABLE with me being UNCOMFORTABLE. He doesn’t have something in him that says “gee, my wife is quite uncomfortable, I love her, so what can I do to help ease some of that discomfort?”[/b]

I sincerely feel there is something gendered to it. [b]I feel like if my husband can’t help me alleviate some of my load then he is not much of a man. [/b]I am not sure that is how men feel about women when they are stressed at work. I believe men want respect and understanding, and if they receive those things from their wife then they don’t mind working hard for the family.

[/quote]

OP, if your DH doubled his income tomorrow, would you slow your pace and work part-time or at a "hobby job"?  Or would you continue apace, happy that he was earning more and enjoying that he like you was stressed out by work?

Does your DH pick up slack at home?  Does he cook, clean, do laundry?  keep track of things?  If he does any of that, then FYI, he is relieving you of some of your load.

Your combined income is about $400K.  If you downshift to a job that pays say, $150K, then you will still have plenty of money and feel less stressed out.

Why do you insist that your DH bear the burden that you yourself can't seem to unload?[/quote]

I would not work a hobby job but I would stop worrying about maximizing my career. I might downshift somewhat. Alternatively I might make a plan to spend more time with kids during the teenage years after amassing a large nest egg since it is my understanding that this is a time that parental attention can really matter more than ever.

He is decent on the home front when I manage him. I’d much rather him earn more and manage part time household help. [/quote]

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