Reply to Wife wants to be "alone" so this means we divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for this and a lot of other replies. Yes, she does try to get me involved in decisions like camps and schools and the day to day and I will admit I fall short on those things more from a logistics standpoint - she will schedule a tour of a school or camp or activity but without notice to me my work schedule is packed and I can't make those things on 48 hours notice.

If I am accused of letting her handle the vast majority of the mental parenting load, I plead guilty. She has been a rock star in that regard and I tell her how much I appreciate what she's done.

We had a talk last night based on some advice given here. She said she's tired of the hampsterwheel and wants off. She also said something I found very hurtful: that my contribution doesn't feel equal to hers since most of what I do is professional and "you would have done that anyway" meaning it wasn't a sacrifice for her or the family. Again, totally wounding because it's completely untrue, I put in an enormous effort and reached a very high pinnacle of success professionally that I simply wouldn't have needed to do if I was only looking after me.

Thanks for all the feedback, it's helpful to hear perspectives that seem to match hers.
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OP, just reading this now.  OMG.  She is out of her mind.  Off the hamster wheel?  There is never, ever any way to get off the Mommy hamster wheel.  Getting a job just adds 40-50 hours of workload to the Mommy workload.  You are a man.  Most men aren't zipping up dinners, calling girl scout leader, and signing up for camps online.  Most parenting falls on the mother.  She can, and should however, delegate to you more "defined tasks."  Maybe you can take ownership over washing dishes, emptying dishwasher, washing towels, and on weekends, driving around kids while she quarterbacks.

I think your wife is burned out.  Covid burned out a lot of people.  She needs a spa day, maybe a kid free getaway for few days, and therapy for support.

Buy her Mommy Burnout book too by Ziegler.
[/quote]

I literally had to read your post a few times. What?! My husband is very successful professionally, you bet he is zipping up those dinners and signing up for camps and packing lunches. Oh, and he does the dishes and laundry too.

Folks, I have news. It’s 2021. Your wife is not your maid, personal house manager, cook, and nanny, and secretary. If you treat her like that no doubt she is going to walk. This is like unpaid, repetitive, thankless work that is necessary to run any household and if you don’t want to step up don’t have a family.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

OP's wife DOES NOT WORK by her own choice. Her kids are 11 and 14. That is what a SAHM of school-aged children is: a house manager, chauffer, cook, and camp signer-upper. If she wants to go back to work, that's a different story, but did she say that? Or she just wants no husband, no responsiblities, but also no job?

Signed,

A SAHM of school-aged children[/quote]

What was her choice?

You think OP and his wife sat down 15 years ago and said here's what it takes to raise kids and live in a house. Here are a few options, let's decide:
1) Both spouses downshift and divide up things equally
2) Husband quits job to be homemaker
3) wife quits job to be homemaker
4) one or both start a WAH job or own small lifestyle company
5) they move closer to extended family for help
6) They focus on one career first, then the other

OR, did something simply say, I wanna keep working and am bad w kids so you quit and do everything. Or you hire and manage a daycare or nanny or housekeeper.  See ya! Back to work and eating![/quote]

Well I am not the OP but yes my husband and I did discuss this. I am not unhappy, unlike OP's wife, and my husband is very emotionally involved but no he doesn't sign the kids up for camp or take them to well visits. I do that. But I don't resent it. Why would I?[/quote]

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