Reply to I had a 5 year affair with a gorgeous woman who’s 17 years younger (and I’m not rich)

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Reply to "I had a 5 year affair with a gorgeous woman who’s 17 years younger (and I’m not rich) - AMA"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Shared pathology of the secret sex relationship:

The married man can’t hack it in the real world.  Feels underappreciated by his job and his insufficiently grateful wife and kids. Angry, but doesn’t know how to process it, and too chicken to show it.  Pursues affair to feel appreciated and excited about life again.  The shared fantasy gives him an escape from his suffocating mundane existence. He deserves better!  But the OW better adhere to the script or she’s going to get a smack down.  No expensive anything; no shared life together and no future. “Relationship” totally on the man’s terms and on the man’s schedule.  “I’m the man here, dammit.”  Cannot deal with the reasonable thoughts, feelings and needs of the OW (or of his own wife for that matter).

The OW believes the man loves her, or at least likes her and doesn’t despise her.  He sends her flirty texts during the day.  It’s so special; it’s their little secret.  He must care about her if he spends so much time texting and anticipating their next interlude.  She thinks maybe this will actually go somewhere.  He complains about his wife. He says she won’t even have sex with him!  Seems to OW there is hope there.  She doesn’t actually like the cheap meals or being kept in the shadows. But he keeps coming back to her and she wants to trust him.  The fantasy that he actually gives a sh- about her is less painful than facing the reality that he has NO intention of ever doing right by her and that he’s just using her to regulate his own unsettling emotions and to feel better about his own disappointing existence. 
[/quote]

TLDR; wife stops having sex, husband finds it elsewhere[/quote]

How about wife stops having sex, husband divorces her.  Not sure why this point is never addressed except to say that it's not convenient for them.  And no, you're not doing to maintain your marriage, you're cheating for yourself.  This narrative from cheaters is whacked.  Honestly, cheating just comes back to centeredness and nothing more than that.

The way the OP talks about his ex AP is clearly as an object that he doesn't respect much (really calling her a cheap date and not needing to invest in her etc.).  This is not a good thing. [/quote]

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