Reply to Why do people with demanding jobs choose to have 3+ kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Status, trendy, grew up with a large family, have money to pay for nannies.  Most aren't concerned about spending a lot of 1-1 time with each kid and have the kids to play with each other and care for one another.[/quote]

The obsession with one on one time is what makes American kids spoilt brats that can’t function as adults once they get to college. [/quote]

Lol. You must not be a therapist or you'd know that most people who struggle with adult functioning can trace it to dysfunctional relationships with their parents. And that dysfunction is very rarely "my parents spent too much time just talking to me and focusing on my well being." Maybe the rare case of Munchausens by proxy. [b]But for most adults with emotional distress, it stems from the fear or belief that their parents don't love, respect, or like them. It's so common.[/quote][/b]

DP,

While the bolded may be true(citation?), I am not sure that spending one on one time correlates with an increased conviction of parental love and respect.

From my experience as the middle of 5 kids, my parents were able to show love and respect for us while we spent time as a family(4 kids did a lot together; youngest sibling is much younger). My siblings and I have very different personalities, and even in group settings, my parents were able to address our needs as individuals.[b] I admit that there were countless times when they would pull one of us aside to address our specific needs, but these events did not usually require more than a few minutes.  [/b]

I would say my youngest brother, who is 7 years younger than the next youngest kid, got the most "one on one" time from our parents(and from the rest of us). I don't think he feels any more loved and respected than the rest of us(it would be kind of hard to because we were/are highly loved and respected by our parents). I don't think that there is any indication that his life is richer/easier/more emotionally stable than ours. I think his childhood was not as fun as ours because he missed out on the big family fun (oldest siblings were in college when he was old enough to do certain things). [/quote]

It sounds like your parents were able to give you and your sibling the individualized attention you needed. All kids need individualized attention. That’s the point. The PP referred to an “obsession with one on one time” as though children don’t need one on one time with their parents or it just doesn’t matter to outcomes. As though parental attention is just an obsession of modern helicopter parents.

But my experience is that most adults who struggle with identity, depression, anxiety, and other common mental health issues can trace them at least partly to not feeling loved or seen by their parents. It’s not limited to people from big families. It’s a very common issue, and I would actually attribute it more to a generational issue, where children and grandchildren of “the Greatest Generation” struggle with the stoic, unemotional per ring styles that came out of the trauma of WWII and the depression. Just my observation.[/quote]

Yes, and many baby boomers became narcissists perhaps due to this trauma combined with a rapidly expanding economy and opportunities that made them feel very special and in turn made their own kids feel unloved and unseen in a different way. Generational trauma is sad and real. [/quote]

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