Reply to Does a blended family actually work?

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Reply to "Does a blended family actually work?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My best guy pal (widower) who  married his new wife had 2 kids.  New wife (divorced) had 3 kids.  All kids were under 6. The kids have little/no memory of ever being without each  other.  The word "step" hasn't really been used in their household.  5 is enough.  No children together.  Very smart. [/quote]

No new kids WAS smart. 5 IS plenty, especially when they have all already suffered a family trauma.

And yeah, you really dont know how this all turns out for the kids until everyone’s 40 and has kids of their own. While the kids may feel like they’re all in it together for awhile, the fact is that they are going to have radically different experiences than their step siblings. This is an example of  parent-driven narratives that the adult children in these situations really grow to resent. These 5 kids may grow up together, but two of them have a dead parent and 3 of them have lord knows what shared custody and stepsiblings on bio dad’s side to navigate. These kids are NOT growing up with the same story. That doesnt mean it cant turn out well, that doesnt mean they wont be happy, but their experience in this new family unit will never be truly shared or the same, and it’s invalidating to pretend otherwise. If someone who’s parent divorced ever told me it was basically the same as growing up without a parent who died, they would get punched. [/quote]

Yup.  You don't really know until they're grown.  The really hard parts of this come when it's time for elder-care, btw.

But I guarantee you, trying to stifle their speech and their feelings and insist that they validate your rosy scenario is only going to cause resentment.  They are stepsiblings, that's the fact of the matter.  Banning the word will only make it seem like a bad thing that the adults are insecure about.[/quote]

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