Reply to Long term affair... trying to wrap my head around if it’s even possible to get over your DH’s 3 yr

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Reply to "Long term affair... trying to wrap my head around if it’s even possible to get over your DH’s 3 yr "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was the cheater in a similar scenario - although not three years. I am so sorry for the hurt I caused. We are working through it. What has worked for us is that I ended the affair before he found out and committed to marriage and personal therapy - again before he found out. I started personal therapy knowing I needed to figure out what drew me to the affair and if I wanted to stay married. My therapist and I agreed that I would give the marriage therapy one year of a really hard effort.
When he did find out, I offered to leave. He didn’t take me up on it. 
We have both been in individual therapy and marriage therapy for over a year. It is brutal but we have both learned a ton about ourselves and negative cycles in the marriage. 
I have trouble even making sense of my thought process back then. 
I see the pain that I caused every day and have to live with that. While it is on me to work through his pain with him, bonding again and becoming a couple is a joint effort that takes both of us to be 100% on board. Our therapist said to expect up to two years before we are in a somewhat normal space. 
I don’t know if that helps but my point is that he has to be fully willing to commit to seeing and “holding” your pain for however long it takes you to heal. You both have to commit to rebuilding the relationship.
I am sorry for what I did and [/b]what he did[b]. [/quote]

What did he do that you are sorry for? [/quote]

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