Reply to Long term affair... trying to wrap my head around if it’s even possible to get over your DH’s 3 yr

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Reply to "Long term affair... trying to wrap my head around if it’s even possible to get over your DH’s 3 yr "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was the cheater in a similar scenario - although not three years. I am so sorry for the hurt I caused. We are working through it. What has worked for us is that I ended the affair before he found out and committed to marriage and personal therapy - again before he found out. I started personal therapy knowing I needed to figure out what drew me to the affair and if I wanted to stay married. My therapist and I agreed that I would give the marriage therapy one year of a really hard effort.
When he did find out, I offered to leave. He didn’t take me up on it. 
We have both been in individual therapy and marriage therapy for over a year. It is brutal but we have both learned a ton about ourselves and negative cycles in the marriage. 
I have trouble even making sense of my thought process back then. 
I see the pain that I caused every day and have to live with that. While it is on me to work through his pain with him, bonding again and becoming a couple is a joint effort that takes both of us to be 100% on board. Our therapist said to expect up to two years before we are in a somewhat normal space. 
I don’t know if that helps but my point is that he has to be fully willing to commit to seeing and “holding” your pain for however long it takes you to heal. You both have to commit to rebuilding the relationship.
I am sorry for what I did and what he did. [/quote]

That’s on your soul and character for life.  Disgusting you could do that.  He’s forever changed. [/quote]

People make mistakes.  She said she was sorry.  You sound like a real peach. I get why your DH cheated on you.[/quote]

True.  Pp- your husband is always going to think of you in some other guy’s arms.  Every time he has sex with you he’s going to wonder if he’s a better lover than your boyfriend.  He’s never going to live it down.   Sorry is a good start, but it will never be enough.[/quote]

Most people have been with someone else before marriage so I don’t think this is necessarily true. Why is sex such a big deal? There is so much more to a long term relationship.[/quote]

Dumb.  Key word: BEFORE

Having sex with your spouse while you are also having sex on the outside exposes them to disease.

Give me a break that you would even try to compare prior partners/boyfriends to cheating on your husband.[/quote].

Not to mention: betrayal, dishonesty, lies.  An affair is no way comparable to relationships had prior to marriage.  Who the hell even thinks like that?[/quote]

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