Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] Are you this clueless in real life too? OK, I'll explain it to you like I'm talking to a child. What do I have? I have an AP and we provide each other with what is missing from our marriages. Sex. 
Why don't I tell her? Are you serious? Do you really not understand why I would throw my AP in her face? OK, since you don't seem to have a grasp on reality, I'll spell it out for you. She would react the same as I suspect you would react. And yes, I'm making a few assumptions here. One being that you are female, married, and would not take it so well to find out your husband has an AP. This would also lead to a huge blow-up, her demanding to know who this woman is that has destroyed her marriage, and... oh come on, you know the rest of this story. Why the F would I subject myself to that? That is all besides the fact that I owe it to my AP to not reveal our arrangement, the same as she owes it to me. Lastly, since you really don't get it, I don't want anything to cause my arrangement to end. [/quote]

NP.  You sound so selfish and horrible.  You owe your AP loyalty but not your wife?  That is true mental gymnastics.  I wonder how you would feel if someone treats your daughter the way you treat your wife.[/quote]If my hypothetical daughter, as a grown adult treated her husband as her mother treats me, I'd expect no different from her hypothetical husband.  I'd still have her back of course, no matter what.

I'm loyal to my wife.  I'm not cheating her out of anything she doesn't want. She can resume our sex life anytime she likes and I'd be 100% loyal to her, with a sad farewell to my AP.  Again, like talking to a child, what do you not understand about the loyalty I also owe to my AP?  The two are mutually exclusive.  It's not an either/or situation.

The bigger question is, what took you so damn long to comment, Mrs. What if this happened to your daughter, lady?  And right back at you, what if this happened to your son?  His wife totally cuts him off.  No amount of talking makes any difference.  She is done and she is perfectly content with her decision.  She doesn't have a problem with it so won't even consider counseling.  Marriage be damned.  Don't even bring it up again.

What advice would you offer your son?  Or would you just toss him some Astro Glide (I know you have some) and a towel and tell him to take care of it himself?  You're right, I am a horrible person.  I'm in good company here.[/quote]

No judgment; NP here. How long have you cheated? How is it only sex if DW has decided to never touch you, how can you not dislike DW on some level?[/quote]
My AP loves her H and I love my W.  Been cheating going on 2 years and we have it down.  On some level I greatly dislike that she has such callous disregard for the situation but I don't take it out on her anymore.  I'm a much happier man for once again having a good sex life.  She has every reason to be suspicious, knowing I don't, or didn't accept our sexless marriage and knowing that there has been a big change in me for the better recently while at the same time, I've stopped discussing sex with her.  I'm convinced she doesn't want to know and accepts it.[/quote]

I've known women in that exact same position. 90% of the time they are only staying with the cheater because they can't afford to divorce. They don't want the big hit on their lifestyle and desire to keep the family under one home. None of them loved their DH, quite the opposite.  Yes she knows what you've been doing.  Also, women are much better actors than men. [/quote]

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