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[quote=Anonymous][quote]NP here. It isn't just with kids that it's a problem. The reality is that even if you spend a few years dating or even living with your potential spouse, you still can't predict how he will handle life's ups and downs. Also, everything changes when the spouse KNOWS he has you. The dynamic shifts. A guy can be loving in kind for years if you don't have major life events or stress (health issues, job issues) come up. So the guy you think is fantastic and has been for 7 or 8 years can suddenly change when you hit a challenge. That's when the real personality comes out. That's also when latent characteristics or approaches they learned from their parents come out. A husband who is great and seems completely different from his dysfunctional parents can suddenly exhibit their dysfunctional behaviors when he hits middle age and/or life challenges.

The biggest indicator of how a man will deal with conflict in a relationship is a combination of how his parents deal with conflict and how he deals with his mother. I regret not paying more attention to that.[/quote]

I hope you realize that most of what you say is true  if you reverse the genders.

"everything changes when the spouse KNOWS he has you." -- Everything changes when the wife knows she has you. This is the reason a lot of women quit providing good sex, then frequent sex, then any sex at all.

"So the guy you think is fantastic and has been for 7 or 8 years can suddenly change when you hit a challenge." -- Get fired or get a chronic illness, don't count on your wife standing by you.

"A husband who is great and seems completely different from his dysfunctional parents can suddenly exhibit their dysfunctional behaviors when he hits middle age and/or life challenges." -- Ditto for women when they hit middle age. Ask me how I know!

"The biggest indicator of how a man will deal with conflict in a relationship is a combination of how his parents deal with conflict and how he deals with his mother." -- Before you get married, find out what kind of relationship she has with her dad. If she hates him, that's a red flag. Again, ask me how I know![/quote]

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