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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Major trolling going on here

As if marrying someone who revealed his ADD and autism only once having more responsibilities than his personal eating, dating, and going to work is someone else’s fault.[/quote]

I seriously don’t understand how people can miss this. Do your due diligence. [/quote]

NP. I don’t get it either. It’s like, you couldn’t see how he managed household tasks, external stressors, studying, money/budgeting, his schedule and whatever else? I think [b]the real answer is that it just wasn’t a problem before adding kids and real responsibility[/b]. [/quote]

+1
Running an actual household (property, cars, 2+ children, activities/schedules, jobs, leisure and work travel) and raising children (caring for, instilling values, teaching life skills, practicing academic skills, socializing, keeping healthy, etc.) is when you learn what someone’s made of. you and your spouse will either rise to the occasion or retreat into a selfish or clueless juvenile stage. You and your spouse will either be a good team and conquer anything or work against each other (this includes deadweights).

If they can’t handle it or won’t handle it, they’ll recede back into bachelor life of work, eat, sleep and hope their wife puts up with it. Maybe sprinkle in some goof around time with the kids after they eat their dinner. But they put themselves first - their eating, their sleep, their image, their career. They simply aren’t marriage or real father material. Leaves the wife with a few bad options of how to proceed. [/quote]
+1

Premarital counseling really needs to include expectations around roles and responsibilities of adult life! Couples could then decide if they are actually compatible or have a realistic understanding of anything.

Spending a weeklong trip with the future in laws also may help understand expectations and dynamic your fiancé may be accustomed to. 
Living together too, though life is so simple and problem free in ones 20s and early 30s.[/quote]

NP here.  It isn't just with kids that it's a problem.  The reality is that even if you spend a few years dating or even living with your potential spouse, you still can't predict how he will handle life's ups and downs.  Also, everything changes when the spouse KNOWS he has you.  The dynamic shifts.  A guy can be loving in kind for years if you don't have major life events or stress (health issues, job issues) come up.  So the guy you think is fantastic and has been for 7 or 8 years can suddenly change when you hit a challenge.  That's when the real personality comes out.  That's also when latent characteristics or approaches they learned from their parents come out.  A husband who is great and seems completely different from his dysfunctional parents can suddenly exhibit their dysfunctional behaviors when he hits middle age and/or life challenges.

The biggest indicator of how a man will deal with conflict in a relationship is a combination of how his parents deal with conflict and how he deals with his mother.  I regret not paying more attention to that.[/quote]

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