Reply to SAHM with kids in school? Dealing with judgement?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She’s envious. End of story.[/quote]

:!:  definitely this. [/quote]

So what would you say about women who have plenty of personal money and choose to work? And also have wonderful relationships with their children?[/quote]

They are liars or their children are very young.  No one always has wonderful relationships with their children, no matter what their working status.  [/quote]

So in your opinion why donstay at home moms claim they have better relationships with / “are doing it for” their children, despite research showing no effect on kids?[/quote]

Because they probably do have better relationships.  There is a long way between “better” and “wonderful.”

[b]And every study that I have ever seen shows that when families are in the situation described above (stable marriage with plenty of money), that the kids are better off with stay at home mothers.   [/b][/quote]

There aren't any large, peer-reviewed studies that say that. I am familiar with the academic work that is considered accepted, valid research, and there aren't any that say the bolded.[/quote]

https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/bul-136-6-915.pdf

You have now seen this meta analysis.  You’re welcome. [/quote]

Uh, that doesn't say what you think it does. Do you understand academic work?[/quote]

I am not great at statistics, but I can read a discussion.

"By and large, moderator analyses indicated that [b]early maternal employment was associated with beneficial child outcomes when families were at risk socioeconomically[/b], particularly in the context of families with single parents and on welfare; these findings support the compensatory hypothesis of employment for these families (e.g., NICHD Early Child Care Research Network, 2003). In contrast, other analyses indicated that [b]employment was associated with negative child outcomes when families were not at risk financially (i.e., when families were middle or upper-middle class)[/b]; these findings support the lost resources hypothesis for these types of families (e.g., NICHD Early Child Care Research Network, 2003)."

"The results of this meta-analysis suggest that early maternal employment in sole-provider families may bolster children’s achievement and buffer against problem behaviors, perhaps because of the added financial security and health benefits that accompany employment, as well as improved food, clothing, and shelter because of increased income and the psychological importance of having a role model for achievement and responsible behavior. In contrast, [b]early maternal employment may be detrimental for the behavior of children in two-parent families if the increases in family income do not offset the challenges introduced by maternal employment during children’s early years of life[/b]"

I am not saying that people need to make personal family decisions based on population studies.  Everyone has individual factors that they need to take into account.  But research does show that maternal employment has an effect on kids.

[/quote]

Sigh. Yes, it's clear that you aren't great at statistics. Or academics, either.  I give up.

This was the statement you or a PP made:

[Quote] "every study that I have ever seen shows that when families are in the situation described above (stable marriage with plenty of money), that the kids are better off with stay at home mothers." [/Quote]

It's just wrong. You should stop saying it, because you sound very ignorant. And I have been both a SAHM and WOHM, currently WOH but likely to SAH again, so I don't have a "side" here. Do whatever you want, but stop lying about the academic research out there to make yourself feel better. Also, just know that when you wildly exaggerate academic research, it makes you sound desperate and defensive to those people who know the literature well.
[/quote]

I am happy to be wrong, but can you explain where I am wrong?  
I didn’t wildly exaggerate academic research.  I quoted from a research paper that is a meta-analysis of over 60 studies.  I have also read Ellen Galinsky’s book on this same subject, and it pretty much says the same thing.  There is only an advantage to mom working when it relieves some kind of real or perceived economic pressure.  Otherwise, it’s a disadvantage.

I don’t know where these studies are that show that it doesn’t matter, but I am not really sure they exist.  I haven’t seen them.  I do think that there is a general myth about their existence in mainstream media though.  
I am not a conspiracy theorist or anything, but working moms make great employees.  They work hard, are good at their jobs, and only cost $0.80 on the dollar compared to a man doing the same work AND there is no cost to society to care for their children.  It doesn’t surprise me that you FEEL like these studies exist, but I don’t think they really do.  [/quote]

Well said.  [/quote]

I mean, it seems blatantly obvious that when money isn't an issue, kids and families are going to be better off when one person can dedicate themselves entirely to meeting the needs of the rest of the family.  Kids can stay home when they are sick instead of being dumped off with some tylenol, healthy food can be made and put on the table at a reasonable time, kids have more downtime to just play, kids have more time with a parent to go over problems and have their emotional needs met.  My entire family is MUCH happier when I'm not working.  But you know what?  I'm important, too, and being a stay at home parent wasn't working for me.  So I went back to work, and even though things are better for everyone else when I'm not working, they're perfectly adequate with me being employed.

I think the vast majority of people are doing what works best for themselves and their families.  I also think the vast majority of people on this planet would choose not to work if they had a choice, and if you have a choice you should consider yourself very lucky.[/quote]

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