Reply to Closed Adoption and found the birth mother

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Closed Adoption and found the birth mother"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Yes, but real life isn't like a TV show...we can see from reality shows that they aren't anything close to reality. Most adoptees are not looking for a family. They only want  to know the circumstances of their birth, who they look like, their heritage and ethnicity. There is little else that can happen and they know that. Esoteric examples of stalking, harrassment, etc., are not a reality in this paradigm at all. There has been a lot of research on this. Overwhelmingly, these folks are just claiming their biological right, not their social right. For every example that is given  regarding someone who has trespassed inappropriately, there is an equal example of a birth mother who has also trespassed after adoption, and yet both scenarios do not represent the actual situation by any critical percentage.  The laws were not designed to protect the birth mothers, but the adoptive parents- so they can raise  the children without fear. But none of this matters when that child is an adult. The parent or sibling of the original birth family absolutely cannot claim sole proprietary ownership of a biological heritage for generations to come. It is not theirs to own.  There are the children and grandchildren and so on of that adopted child that are affected.

[/quote]
[b]This is really spot on, especially the part about how it's very rare for the adoptee to cross inappropriate boundaries into the bio families' life[/b].[/quote]

You have no way of gauging this. Inappropriate contact may be any contact at all. [b]It’s not fair to claim an adoptee’s “right” to know who they look like trumps the desire for privacy of the parent [/b]who made the decision to put their child up for adoption. [/quote]

The adoptee's right to know does trump the parent's right to privacy.  Having a baby is not private because it's not fair to make a person be a secret.  It's not fair and now it's not even possible if the adoptee doesn't want to keep the secrete.  I completely understand why that means women might be more likely to have an abortion than to place a baby for adoption.  Personally, I would probably pick abortion over adoption. [/quote]

This is my first time posting in this thread.  This is a tough topic.  I do see the medical history aspect, and feel for the adopted person for that, and of course, also feel for them for wanting to know where they came from.  But, as a woman who was raped at a young age and ended up pregnant from that rape, I can't help thinking about what if the adoptee was put up for adoption for a reason like that, or because of incest, etc.  I am thankful for the fact that I ended up miscarrying, so I never had to make that horrible decision of what to do with my rapist's baby, but many women DO have to make that terrible decision.  I couldn't imagine the pain/memories/regrets/etc. that could come raining down upon a woman who was in this situation and ended up giving that baby up for adoption, and then being contacted or even hounded by the adopted child.  It's such a painful scenario for all involved.

This thread also has me thinking about my past decision of donating eggs.  It was supposed to be closed/anonymous, but I just did the ancestry DNA thing last year, so I'm wondering if I will have the babies conceived from my eggs contacting me in the future.  I don't know how I would feel, it's something to think about for sure.  However, if that happens, at least it was not a terrible scenario like them finding out they were the product of rape, incest, or other tragic circumstances.   [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics