Reply to Just don't really care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]An Open marriage is not cheating, it is a lifestyle choice just like celibacy is a lifestyle choice for the spouse who declared the marriage Sexless.[/quote]
You can keep telling it to yourself to no end, but it is cheating. If it helps you cheat with a clear conscience then go ahead, but you will be the only one thinking it, your spouse didn't agree. Why is so important to you to not get divorce if you need to find an AP and be open about it? I am actually curious. I said many times in my marriage: if you don't like it then go file. I wasn't taken on this offer, but was presented with an AP. Ex saw AP as a solution and he was not happy about the divorce I filed for (as in his mind he solved the problem). I understand people having secret affairs, but I don't understand the out in the open "I am meeting my needs" ones. [/quote]

A sexless marriage is equally cheating the marital vows to Have and to Hold. Why should a spouse who never "agreed" to a sexless marriage care if their spouse "agrees" with the Open marriage? Why does the sexless partner want to stay married to somebody they don't want sex with? If the declared Open marriage bothers the sexless partner, he/she can easily divorce. Sounds like that's exactly what happened in your marriage. But to be clear, your marriage did not end due to his AP, it ended due to your unilateral sexless declaration. His AP was the expected and justified reaction to you destroying your marriage. The burden of filing for divorce was correctly placed on the spouse who destroyed the marriage: you.[/quote]
It's always two people who are at fault, so it's not an issue. My question remains. Why do you think that declaring an open marriage is a viable solution to [b]preserving [/b] a marriage? No sex or AP are equally destructive. My ex had that idea and was hurt that I filed and didn't want to divorce, I was puzzled. Why keep a sham afloat? He lost me as a friend at that point too, because of those views. [/quote]

A normal libido person can not stay (faithful) in a sexless marriage. It is an unstable condition, like balancing a toothpick on end, it might work for 10 seconds but WILL soon fall over. Opening the marriage allows the normal libido to meet his/her normal sexual needs. So the marriage becomes a stable roommate situation, versus a failed romance between friends withOUT benefits.[/quote]
Okay. Got it. It's not a libido issue, it's never a libido issue when we are not talking about every day, several times a day stuff. I only know one couple who have a roommate situation, but they are actually divorced, both dating, just maintain one household for the kids. [/quote]

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