Reply to what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?

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Reply to "what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel like this thread is DCUM at its most batshit crazy. Can you guys hear yourself? "Separating a woman from her biological child is lethal but separating a man is merely painful"

Jeeeeesus. I've said it a few times in this thread but you are all about preserving the 'marriage' over basically everything else in the world. [b]Including your own values, general morality, and a completely innocent baby's well being. [/b]

I also echo another PP. Apparently being married to a dead beat is ok with some of you as long as he never talks to his side piece again but in my world? Any man who has accepted that he is not allowed to see his own child, his own flesh and blood, is not the type of man I want to be married to. I would be absolutely disgusted.

I almost broke up with my DH when we were dating because HIS BROTHER had a baby in college with a girlfriend that he walked away from and the whole family seemed kind of ok with it. It was only until I talked to him about it more and learned that DH had kind of been keeping tabs on the girl and making sure she was alright that I thought he was ok. Walking away from a child is a horrific thing for an adult to do. [/quote]

No one is about preserving the marriage over everything else.  That type of infidelity shatters marriages and any woman who decides to divorce over this has my enthusiastic support. If this is not for you, it doesn't have to be!

For those who decide to try and rebuild the marriage, do you think they should NOT know about the scenarios that give them the best shot?

I want to address your comment I bolded above.  There is no "general morality" about this.  Until less than a hundred years ago, men were expected to ignore their illegitimate children.  The idea that ALL children need to be embraced, much less prioritized, is a very new one.  Don't oversell this as "general morality", because it isn't.

As for the wellbeing of an innocent baby, well of course it is important, but is it more important than everything else? More important than the wellbeing of the children of marriage? More important than the wellbeing of the wife? Why? They too are innocent so why should the baby be the priority to the detriment of everyone else? [/quote]

Less than 100 years ago lynchings were still happening. School segregation was the 'right' thing. Less than 100 years ago women couldn't vote. Less than 50 years ago rape within a marriage didn't exist in the eyes of the law. Less than 20 years ago it was completely normal to say something extremely homophobic in normal conversation. Less than 10 years ago same sex marriage was illegal. Just because humans have acted like jacka$$es until the recent past (and will continue to do so in the future) doesn't mean everything bad that happened in the past is retroactively said to be moral.

I do think an innocent child is more important than the wife for a couple reasons. Cheating is usually a symptom of a problem within a marriage. And even when it isn't and the woman is truly innocent and wronged, she still chose the risk of marrying someone and trusting them. The baby did none of that.

The other children in the marriage are also innocent but IMO they cannot be entirely shielded from this. So I exile a child and teach them that its ok to walk away from your responsibilities and your family or I teach them that sometimes people make mistakes and thats awful but you still have to do the right thing when the dust settles.

I choose option 2.[/quote]

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