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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have three teens: a 16-year-old daughter, a 15-year-old son, and a 13-year-old son. The situation is that my ex still physically disciplines the kids in his home and we share 50/50 custody. It’s not constant, but it happens often enough to be super concerning — and when it does happen, he doesn’t seem able to control his anger.

It’s also not great because [b]they’re at an age where they really shouldn’t be getting hit at all anymore. [/b]Their behavior is different from when they were younger, and they can generally be reasoned with. It also feels like the intensity has increased over time.

Our 15-year-old son doesnt (rarely) experience physical discipline — mostly yelling — because he is the one who listens and complies the most.

Our 13-year-old son experiences physical discipline such as ear twisting, slapping, pulling, and being hit with a hanger (lasting a couple minutes). This tends to happen more frequently (sometimes every few weeks), typically when he talks back, says no, has an attitude, is loud, doesn’t follow directions right away, or pushes back on expectations like chores, bedtime, or stopping games.

Our 16-year-old daughter is also subjected to physical force such as slapping, grabbing, pinching, etc. For her, incidents are less frequent — sometimes months between — but still occur, often during larger conflicts when she argues, refuses something she is required to do, has an emotional outburst (for example, in February she had a significant outburst (damaged a wall) that escalated he responded by hitting her and resulted in an eye injury to her), or doesn’t comply (another example was in April when she didn’t want to go somewhere she needed to go). The last incident before that was likely around July.

He mainly uses his hands, but sometimes uses a clothing hanger, and it feels like the force increases when he escalates. The bigger issue is that he has significant anger issues and doesn’t seem able to stop once he escalates, with little to no remorse afterward.

The pattern seems to be about control and compliance. If they immediately do what he says, things are fine. If they don’t — even normal teen behavior — it can escalate into physical discipline.

They know this isn’t okay, but also worry about making things worse or escalating conflict.
I’m not sure what to do to help my kids. I do tell them to try to listen to limit conflict, but I don’t know how much I can actually do to prevent this from backfiring. What can I realistically do here? They are teens — it doesn’t feel appropriate for them to be physically disciplined like this at all at this stage. I’m struggling with how to protect them while not escalating things further, especially given the 50/50 situation and that my ex is a very angry person, I’m worried for their safety because he can’t control his anger. Location: VA[/quote]

You seem to believe that there was some age where this was acceptable.

Get CPS involved. Today. [/quote]

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