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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is what I did OP:

1.) Start gently and assume they are rational. Do all the nice things to tip toe around their fragile egos for a year or 2. When that doesn't work...

2) Consult with aging care advisor and financial advisor. Try to get your parent to agree to speak to them as long as you are on the same page with the advisors. When that doesn't work...

3.) Deal with endless emergencies and drama poorly timed to clash with every stressor in your life. Have this go on for years until you find yourself wishing to somehow fly away from life/run away from it all. Realize you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown between kid stressors, work, spouse illness and your bat sh&t crazy and entitled parents and get therapy. At some point during this one parent dies and all hell breaks loose now with entitled siblings too.

4.) After a period of mourning, set some rock solid boundaries with the remaining parent-gently, but firmly. Make clear what you are asking them to do, what choices they have and what you can no longer do. If that parent tends to be difficult expect rage, tantrums and insults.

5.) Keep your boundaries.Lead your life. Stop saving up those vacation days for emergencies. I did that. I gave up vacations and all the things for their emergencies and the family I created was suffering and I had a death wish. Enjoy your vacations. Lead your life. It took me many years of this mess to the point my living parent was in better health than I was. to finally decide I would no longer set myself on fire to keep this parent warm.[/quote]

I forgot to add, after the tantrums, the refusing to every speak to you again and storms, in my case the parent did finally explore living options and get moving. Now I hear "why don't you want to visit?" It is mind boggling how selfish people can be for years-not caring about all the things you already have going on such as in my case over the years- (a hospitalized husband who had a life threatening reaction and a long recovery, one of my kids with special needs, the other developed a health issue, work stress and much more.) The one thing I am proud of most is I took the high road. No longer how abusive this parent became, I did not return the abuse, but I  did take back my life.

My normal and kind-hearted aunts both appropriately planned for again, moved to over 55 than CCRC and continued to be loving, empathetic and appreciative toward their adult kids so it can happen, but the rigid ones see to be less likely to make changes without stomping their feet and alienating anyone who tries to help.[/quote]

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