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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have experienced this to a much milder degree, but I am grateful that I kept trying and eventually got better at this. I wouldn’t say I’ve made friends who I hang out with outside of kids, but these people who I made idle chitchat with for years really stepped up when I needed them to. When my mom had cancer last year and I was out of town a lot, these other moms and dads helped my husband by driving my kids all over. When my 8 year old was hospitalized, people sent over videos, gifts and cards that put a smile on her face during a tough time. And we do the same for other families, helping to make things work where we can. I am a major introvert, but I am grateful for the community that eventually developed from these little interactions.[/quote]

That's really great your community came through for you when your family needed it.

I have to admit that has not been my experience. We do the idle chitchat and whatever and I also put effort into things like learning people's names, volunteering for things, inviting for playdates, and being friendly during drop off/pick up so that it feels like community. But on the rare occasion when we're in a bind (like when my DH was out of town for 3 weeks helping his mom post-surgery) people mostly don't offer help and seem to take the attitude that you have to figure it out yourself. We did, but it it was hard. I do wind up thinking about that now when we're being asked to help out with school events or when I'm in social situations with parents. I find myself bowing out of things earlier or, yes, putting my nose in my phone or a book to avoid having to talk.

My perception is that people don't really think of the broader school community as *their* community. They have their friends within it, and those are their people. I'm an extra. And that's fine. But extras don't have speaking roles so I'm going to do my own thing then.[/quote]

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