Reply to How much does an elderly parent realize their words are hurtful?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would guess that your father is scared and fearful at the end of his life. He hears his friends bragging about all his kids do, no doubt exaggerated and put in the best possible light. Your dad assumes all of this is true, and he probably wishes he was getting the same kind of attention and had the same kind of stories to tell. And when he shares any of this with you, there is probably a certain amount of guilt that you aren't doing all of that for your dad. But how to live up to what is probably exaggeration?

I see it as not very different than the jealousies (probably too strong of a word) people experience when a coworker or another mom or any other person in phases of life share/spin their own successes and the jealousies these stories can bring out in us.

In this case, your dad is in the end of life stage, but unlike when they were younger there is little filter left to keep those thoughts to themselves. On top of which is the fear of being at the end.[/quote]

I agree with this. Stories about how someone knows all the doctors and does everything is him wishing you'd do that for him. My mom tells me how someone does this or that for their parent, as if it exists in vacuum. My uncle was well-known and after his funeral my mom went on and on how his daughter arranged such a nice funeral for him with so many famous people! Emphasis on his daughter somehow miraculously getting it done, while in reality people showed up because of all the lives he had impacted. I don't think they mean it negatively, I think at the end of their lives they want more attention and gushing over? The stories about how somebody's daughter or son is a "top dog" is the same, showing off. [/quote]

My mom used to tell me about all her friends who were invited on their kids/grandkids family vacations.  I know it's bc she wanted us to take her along on our vacations.  For many reasons, that would never work for our family.

I agree with PP above- the dynamics they are jealous of don't exist in a vacuum.  The examples my mom had were of grandparents who paid for the entire vacation and provided babysitting so their adult children could go on date nights with their spouses.  But in her mind, she thought those people all had better relationships, and she wanted that from us.  [/quote]

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