Reply to Husband on his 4th DUI, worried about losing child in divorce.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, I went through this with my (now) xH and I'll tell you what I did.

First, I was NOT supportive. The problem with addicts is that people are too nice and "supportive". The only language they speak is consequences.

I took the kids to a friend's house, came home, and screamed at my H. I mean SCREAMED. Although threw plenty of threats in there. I wanted to put the absolute fear of God into him.

People will say that's an over-reaction, but 1. I saw this as no different than a stranger trying to kill my kids, requiring full mama-bear mode and 2. Alcoholism runs in my family, and we had a tragic and completely avoidable death in the family due to intoxication. So I'm not gonna mess around when it comes to my kids' lives.

I let him know if he ever touched any substance ever again, I would kick him out of the house, change the locks, and he would never see the kids again. Yes, technically, the courts would not see things that way. But addicts typically have high levels of shame and secrecy around their addiction, and just the threat of bringing it out into court for a judge and witnesses to see is often enough. I also met with an attorney and started making a paper trail so I would have evidence for court.

To his credit, he sobered up after that. Never touched it again. Partially because he realized life is better without it, partially because he is terrified of me, ha.

We ended up divorcing a few years later bc sadly he replaced that addiction with addiction to chasing other women. But, I knew he wouldn't ever drive under the influence with the kids, so I felt okay leaving. [/quote]

So you didn’t fix the problem.  Because getting sober for someone else won’t ever last.  The alcoholic has to want to get sober and stay sober for themselves.

This is terrible advice - you can’t tell an alcoholic sober.   You just can’t.

Get a lawyer in your jurisdiction.  [/quote]

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