Reply to Way to set up new account to max out annual gifts

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I struggle with this idea.  My kids are teens, so I haven't really put too much thought into this yet, but I worry that I would spoil them in adulthood by gifting them all this money.  In one hand I would say if its a gift, then you give them a check and take the risk they blow it or it demotivates them in their career.  I think my approach would be a matching system.  They have a goal such as save for a house, pay down a debt, or build a nest egg, and I match up to the gift amount each year.  That way there is incentive for them to make the best use of it.[/quote]

Call me when you find a family where this worked well. I can think of one, and they’re all doctors. The parents and the kids. Highly motivated, high achieving, regimented, and inclined to authoritative systems.

Any family where someone actually needs an “incentive” to “make the best use,” it doesn’t work at all and strains relationships.

If you’re using money to try to control your adult children, you’re either forcing them to stay in “child” mode (which we’ve all seen among the adult children of rich people) or they will be seething on the inside or they will have to say “no thank you” and forge their own path. It’s worse for boys.

I’m often in “child mode” with my wealthy parents. It’s corrosive! I manage it okay I think, and I honestly think it helps that I’m a woman and am the caregiver type anyway. Plus clearly, I’m “paid” really well. It’s been harder for my brother. And for some of our cousins, it’s really bad.

Give the money or don’t give the money. Don’t try to use it as a carrot or a stick. It won’t work. [/quote]

I am the pp who set one up for my kids. we don't use it as a carrot or a stick. they are all grown up and whenever they are ready to take it over, it's theirs. all three are aware but have not shown interest to take over yet (except maybe DC1). i used to hear the same concerns from everyone here but it wasn't as problematic as people said. i can (and still do when i can) put money in but can't take it out. [/quote]

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