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[quote=Anonymous]I'm both an adult adoptee and an adoptive parent.

I've always known I was adopted and my mom loved to tell the story of how she first heard they had received an a referral and also the night I arrived. I'm a transracial adoptee so there's no hiding that I'm not my parents' biological child.  My adopted child is the same race as I am so their adoption is not conspicuous like mine was, however, they've always known they were adopted as well.  Now, I carefully narrated the reason they were placed for adoption and adapted as age-appropriate because it's a difficult story and no young child needs the burden of the full truth until they can carry that mental load.

Neither my parents nor I celebrate a Gotcha Day.  I don't really like the term but semantics aside, I think a lot of this is dependent on how the adoptee might receive such a celebration.  I'm not going to judge those who do it though- I assume they've figured out what works best for their family.

I did adopt (no pun intended) some of the culture I was adopted into but I know that others will never see me as X when I look Y.  It's important to welcome an adoptee in the parents' culture but also for the adoptive family to welcome the adoptee's culture into their lives.

My parents changed my name.  There was no indication that my birth family had named me and when I later reunited with them, it was confirmed that the adoption agency had named me.  In turn, I made my child's last name into their middle name, as their birth mother and I share the same last name so I wanted my child to have the same name as their mothers.  The adoption agency also gave them their first name so I didn't feel like it was necessary to keep that name.

I'd say the #1 for adoptive parents to know is that their child's story is for the child to tell, not the parents.  People will be very curious to know why they were placed for adoption but it's not your right to share that ever, unless there is a specific reason like a trauma requiring therapy and then only to that therapist.

Also, there will be as many opinions re: adoption as there are adoptees.  Listen to the prevailing research but in the end, each child and situation are different and you make your own decisions as you see best for your child/family.[/quote]

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