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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I say this with kindness: You sound very anxious. Just as anxious as she does.

As the mother of an anxious person, I'm going to advise you to educate yourself on best practices with anxiety, and to then apply those practices with your DD... and yourself. CBT is amazing.

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Anxiety

In a nutshell, your willingness to listen to her wring her hands about this every day feeds her anxiety, as do your attempts to solve this problem for her. Today when she calls to worry about this, you should say, "well, I know you'll figure it out. So what are you doing this afternoon?" And talk about other things, preferably things she's *doing.* If she can't focus on other things, tell her what *you* are doing. Just generally and gently be unwilling to perseverate with her on this. It seems ccounterintuitive, but it really does help tamp down anxiety to think less about the things that are bothering you. [/quote]

Me again: Tell her that when she is home for winter break, you will schedule time to discuss this and help her make a plan. No discussing until then. And when you help her with planning, it should be things like: when do you have to declare a major? Okay, that's the deadline. Until then, out different classes, make appointment at the career center, maybe see if there's a way to do some informational interviews, etc. Make a plan, actionable items, and set some interim deadlines for evaluating, seeing where she is, etc. Then when she starts agonizing, just say to her," are you following your plan?" If yes, she's doing what she can. Ask, "according to the plan, when are we supposed to meet to discuss things? OK, so not time yet. You're still gathering your evidence/info. Let's wait to discuss then. So, what else is going on?" And change the subject.

(My mid-20s DS with anxiety imagines a metal trash can in his head and he likes to direct his unhelpful thoughts there and mentally bang the lid closed, lol. So sometimes if he is agonizing about something he can't really do anything about at the moment, I say,  "that sounds like a thought for your trash can," and change the subject. It really helps.[/quote]

I am really anxious about it, that's true. I think in my dd's mind I am the trash can actually: she dumps it all on me. And it creates a lot of stress. I redirect as much as I can but I do listen first. My dh is better at it and just goes "mm-mm, that's nice, what did you eat for lunch?" and I am bad at it because it feels dismissive, even though it probably is healthier. I guess I feel like it actually hugely matters for her to pick a major she likes and does well with, and the consequences can be great.[/quote]

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