Reply to Christmas Stress/Rigidity

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She’s 10, I would give her $100, or whatever you spend, and take her shopping. She picks everything out, she helps wrap it. If she whines about it on Christmas that item gets immediately sent to Goodwill. [/quote]

Actually you said she’s 13, my mistake. Everything goes to Goodwill if she whines or cries. Stop babying her! [/quote]

I respect this advice, but dd is my "least whiny" kid- the one who will never complain her feet hurt or say she wants something in a store or pester me for something or whine about having to go to bed early. She is terrified of getting in trouble or acting impulsively - there were a few instances where she got close to a friend, acted impulsively (like blurting something out or I remember with one friend she sang along too loud in the Taylor Swift movie) - then realizes she makes a blunder and shuts down again and takes two years to invite another kid over. She tries to keep it together because she knows it's against the rules to cry about a gift. But I hate to see her silently miserable on a day we all look forward to all year. As far as gifts- she would love to just do modest gifts. I would love to just do modest gifts. But we have a very close extended family that all values giving. DD values it too -she gets presents for everyone. We do do a very over the top Christmas - decorated floor to ceiling in every room, a gazillion lights, inflatables, food, parties, constant music, abundant traditions. DD "loves" it, and would initially be upset to do anything differently, but I can see how even something that is exciting is overwhelming and overstimulating. I do agree I need to be very clear about expectation setting and what different consequences will occur. I would love for her to give her gifts to Goodwill - she often doesn't even want most of the things- but she is scared of offending the giver.  [/quote]

Pare down the expectations and tell her that if she's feeling out of sorts she can take a break. You can also tell her that if she doesn't like the gifts, she can think about it for a few weeks and then give them to goodwill or another charity.[/quote]

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