Reply to DH is dismissive of my input about SD(10)

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[quote=Anonymous]OP you remind me of my stepmom. There is a certain kind of blended family that operates like this: our happiness matters most, and damn the torpedoes. Meaning, a bunch of choices get made, usually for life, and the kids are just expected to roll with it. Divorce, new marriages, more babies, changing custody schedules now that there are more babies...the adults adjust everyone's lives with pretty minimal thought to how the kids feel about it. And sure, adults have to run the show. Your scenario about you being more involves with daily details and behavioral issues than your H is common. He's earning big dollars, you stay at home. He's distracted and frankly wants the bumps in the road smoothed out.

But I want to point out what happens on the kids' end while you two are busy negotiating the broken headphones: they very clearly get the message that they have no say. I grew up like this. Remarriages, new kids, lots of money (less each year as new family members got added though, and now I have a gaggle of stepsiblings living on my Dad's dime). It's not great, and I'm not talking about the money, although that does kind of suck. It's my Dad's chronic, never ending guilt and conflict about not being able to be present and connect, in any real way, with all these kids he created, and my stepmom's endless irritation, expressed in both big and small ways, that we still exist, frankly. Kids aren't stupid. You think there's not some pretty deep biology at play here while you're gestating a new baby and SD is trying to sleep in Dad's room? Come on.

I'm probably shouting into the wind here, because parents like this really do view their kids as passengers and life as a trip they're dictating. This is where we're going kids, buckle up, no we're not stopping for snacks. There's worse family situations. But I will remind you as your next baby comes...your SD was around before you were. She's a whole person with a deep biological connection to the man you're now married to, and that isn't changing. Consider seeing her as her own person: of course she's sleeping in her single mom's bed at home at age 10 while you expand your family. Seeing things from her point of view might go a long way.[/quote]

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