Reply to Divorced men with second set of kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My exDH is setting himself up to be one of these guys. Like the others described, he is quiet and comes off as low-key and from the outside everyone considers him a good guy. In reality he was abusive behind closed doors and has a lot of scary secrets. Even during  truly awful high conflict divorce that he initiated, he somehow got many of our mutual friends in thrall to him and his story. Fortunately the courts did not follow suit.

I’ll never know for sure, but I suspect that covert narcissism is at play, and it sounds like that could describe some of the men on this thread, especially when it comes to the idea of discarding families on a predictable timeline. Look up the discard phase of covert narcissism if you’re in this situation.

I live on the west coast in a very tech/big-money community and see these families a lot now that my kids have been at their private school for a long time. You start to see new generations of kids from the same dad start fresh in preschool. It’s interesting because there is a bit of social censure behind closed doors but these guys have sufficient social capital in the community that people act approving and welcoming of them in public.[/quote]

And their wives have similarly aged friends with whom they hang out.   The fact that some people are critical of them in private is lost on them because, among their friends, who are other very wealthy women their age, no one seems to care.  This is a specific group of very wealthy men and their second wives, not the type of men the OP describes in her post. [/quote]

PP you’re replying to and these aren’t even very wealthy guys, just run of the mill UMC/rich dads who are a dime a dozen at any private school. They don’t stand out. The crazy thing in our community is that a lot of the wives are on the older side and having their first kids with these second/third round dads when the wives are in their late 30s/early 40s, which upends any stereotype about them being young, naive, or from another culture. I think that the women may have focused on their career or relocated a lot for work or just had bad luck dating, and they have a different perspective on being wife 2 or 3 and might be willing to ignore some of the obvious upfront downsides.[/quote]

Yes, agree - we have those women, and we have some early thirties moms who are clearly trophy wives who hang out together - former "models" (not commercially successful, but had a gig or two and refer to themselves as a former model) or pilates instructors, for example.   [/quote]

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