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[quote=Anonymous]Agitation, aggression, anxiety are all signs of dementia. Having been through this, I don't know what happens to people who are abandoned at the ER but I wouldn't wish that on someone I loved. Best case, they will have someone sit with them providing 1:1 care, use a video monitor, etc. Worst case if they are understaffed they can and will restrain dementia patients (strapping them to a bed), drug them with Haldol, not feed him because they don't have the staff or resources to spoon feed, etc. They aren't equipped to deal with these patients.

If I were you I would start with taking him back to the ER for a full evaluation. Something could be wrong medically. Aggression and violence could be due to pain or discomfort. Something like constipation alone could cause this.

While in the ER, ask for a hospice referral. If FIL is eligible for hospice, they could try to help with placement. Or at the very least, you can get respite care (two weeks) in an acute hospice facility to buy time to plan next steps. He sounds like he could be eligible for hospice. They don't provide custodial care. You will still need to find a place, but they can help with managing behaviors. Their goal is to provide comfort so they will work to reduce pain or get him in a comfortable state. Goodwin House is the best in the DMV.

Of course, you have to look at finances ASAP. Ultimately, next steps always end up about finances. Sure, you could rent him an apartment with 1:1 24/7 care but that would cost a fortune. Is he a veteran? Does he have long term care insurance?

I would find a geriatric care manager to help ASAP. Here's a DMV one: https://caringconsiderations.com/

If assets are there, don't look at nursing homes like Sunrise. You need a place that only does memory care or has a memory care unit. He will keep getting kicked out if he is in a nursing home where he is comingled with residents who just need physical help. What your describing is 100% normal for advanced Alzheimer's/dementia. The staff is trained for this and will help get him on appropriate medications to help manage behavior. The best place in this area is Silverado, but it's expensive ($16k a month). They have separate floors, so someone advanced would be in the advanced unit where they would be skilled at managing advanced behaviors and he would be allowed to wander around. You may have to look outside of where he is living now if it is rural. Be willing to move him if his needs can't be met locally. [/quote]

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