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[quote=Anonymous]I am sympathetic. It sounds so draining. I want you to have a happier life.

I agree with the posters that some of this is typical 13yo stuff, but obviously magnified hugely through his issues. I'm wondering if he's done any DBT--dialectical behavioral therapy. It's time-consuming, but it helps kids modulate their reactions to triggers (is my understanding.) It's been life-changing for a friend of mine with her kid whom she thought had ADHD and anxiety and turned out to have autism. I'm not diagnosing--just sharing that.

I also wonder if it's possible for you to set some level of expectations with your son and tie them to rewards/consequences. Even though 1-2-3 magic is more for 7-year-olds, we used a modified version of it with our kid, and it was useful, if nothing else, in making it clear to him that he needed to take more responsibilty for regulating his feelings. If he snapped at us way unduly, we'd say, aiming for no emotion, "that's one;" a second time in the given time frame was two; for the third, he had to remove himself from the situation for his age plus 10 minutes. Then he could return whenever he wanted. After the system solidified, wehad to work with him on the "return" part--ie, he couldn't waltz in and be like, "Hi, can I have a snack?" he had to apologize, and usually, he seemed to feel good from doing so.

I know you are doing SO MUCH, including planning things that he likes and working to keep both of you positive. I'm wondering if your sympathy for his anxiety is getting in the way of your having expectations for him that might help him and you--a true wonder, not a judgment disguised as a wonder. Just something to think about.

You are not alone, and we are here for you. [/quote]

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