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[quote=Anonymous]You have a few things that work for a while - snacks (get quieter ones), fresh books, and 20 questions-like games. So it feels like rotating through those is the answer. And yeah, keep the 8 year old in the middle.

I would also stick with carrots/sticks upon arrival home, consistently. Anyone who behaves well gets (whatever). In my house, it's gum. For some reason my kids LOVE gum. Stickers, 15 minutes to play whatever you want with mom as soon as we get home? Don't have to help with kitchen clean up today (mom does your chore is a very popular reward in my house)? I'd really try to avoid screens with kids with that profile. And a stick - if you misbehave, you immediately have a time out as soon as you get home and if that's every day for a year, so be. Gotta give them a motivation to figure this out, even if it takes months or a year.

I will also say, somewhat counter intuitively, that interrupting the kids earlier when the misbehavior starts can help. I think when you've got really fighty kids like this, it's tempting to let it go for a while because it's not too bad, yet, but I actually find if I jump in earlier ("You're not playing right!!" "He is six. Mom is in charge of the game rules, you are not in charge of Larlo. Do NOT correct him. If you don't like it, you don't have to play") I can cut some of this off at the pass.

And lastly - have you had any calm, quiet, individual conversations with the kids about this, outside the car? At nine and six, they should be able to articulate what is so hard about this car ride for them. Pick a quiet moment, probably on the weekend. If they can't - can you ask them to dream up what the best car ride would be like? That might give you some insight, and maybe some creative solutions. Maybe 9 year old has been listening to people all day and just wants QUIET and you could try a silent car ride? Or maybe 9 year old keeps it together all day and once he's in the car, he just can't any more - can you try yelling practice at the playground before you get in the car? Let him yell and holler for 5 minutes at the top of his lungs? Embarrassing, but who cares? Or maybe your six year old has adults telling him what to do all day and just can't handle it from his brother too (in which case, a firm rule for 9 about minding his business)? If you can get input from the kids on what's not working, maybe there are some creative solutions that aren't just distractions.

Sorry. This all sounds really hard. [/quote]

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