Reply to For those of you who don't allow your teen to have a smart phone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, your kid has an iPhone and is on Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat. You have ZERO room to judge or lecture other parents. I don't care if you are monitoring his usage (though I guarantee there are things your kid is doing online that you are unaware of), just regular use of those apps is bad for your kids brain. He could be watching wholesome cooking videos on TikTok and I'd still judge your decision here because it's short-circuiting his ability to focus and also who knows what other content he's getting via adds, comments, and suggested videos. TikTok is a cesspool that many adults can't even handle appropriately.

We got my kid a watch with texting capabilities so that she can contact us and have a bit more freedom. She needs parental approval on both sides to add a friend as a contact, and all the adults involved monitor the text chains. Also my kid is getting online safety lessons from us regularly, and while she has no access to social media, she knows what it is, knows why we don't permit it, and knows why it's dangerous and what specific behaviors are especially dangerous (including communicating with anyone you dont' know IRL, sharing photos or personally identifying info even just the background in an innocent photo, or trusting information you see online without verifying it elsewhere).

I don't buy that "the real problem" is people restricting their kids access to phones and social media, OMG.[/quote]

Okay, but you do sound a little like the mom of my kid's friend who DOES have a Snapchat account that his mom doesn't know about and who has sent my kid DMs that are borderline child pornography.  Now, her mom probably doesn't give her regular online safety lessons like you do, but she does believe her daughter has no access to social media, which is not the case.  [/quote]

I feel confident my kid is not on snapchat and is definitely not sending selfies to your son or kids like him. I think you like this idea that, actually, it's the kids with more limited access to phones or technology who are the "real" problem because it lets you off the hook for your own parenting choices which are being rightly criticized.

Have you considered that one reason that kids without phones are trying to set up rogue snapchat accounts is that your son is in the community with a phone and snapchat access? And that if you'd held off on giving him a phone or at least limited his access to the WORST APPS, there would be no way for some kid with insufficient parental supervision to DM your kid on that app with an inappropriate photo.

Like you are helping to create this problem and making it harder for the parents who are trying to protect their kids by restricting access, and now you're trying to spin it like "oh the REAL problem is these parents who don't buy their kids smart phones at the earliest possible age." Girl, no.[/quote]

I'm sure it's not your daughter DMing my kid after midnight, but it's someone's daughter who believes she isn't on social media because she doesn't have a phone.

I can't argue with you on most of your points.  I think social media is the biggest problem for our kids' generation.  We aren't focused on solving the entire problem but on helping our kid navigate it. 
 
Regarding having a smartphone or not, we made what we believe is the right choice for our kid due to unique circumstances (they kept losing their flip phone and Gizmo watch because they didn't value them, and we needed to be able to track and communicate with them when they were traveling).  We've chosen to have a very open conversation about their online activity.  We want them to trust us and come to us for help when they need to problem-solve.  We gave them a privilege and stressed that it comes with responsibilities.  Hard to say with certainty whether it was right or wrong to provide our kid with a smartphone when we did. My point is that not providing them with one isn't enough.

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