Reply to Concerned about DIL and Granddaughter bond

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[quote=Anonymous]I’m going to go against the grain and give you the benefit of the doubt.

I was the unfavored child and here are things my aunt and grandmother did that helped-

- they treated us all equally
- they were kind and loving and maternal with me in the way that another female mother can be, but not as a mother as these shoes can never be fulfilled by another (this will be the child’s burden to bear and heal in the future)
- they have me appropriate encouragement and proportional praise when deserved 
- they made me food when I visited and took me out for activities (that my mother never did but I don’t think they did it for this reason. They did it simply because I was a child and they were loving)

As an adult when I sought validation I did speak to my aunt, grandmother and other family members about the way my mom treated me. They validated my experience and said they saw it too and their hearts hurt for me at the time. They said they are proud of the woman I am and that I am a good mom.

There is nothing you can do. We are all dealt the hand we are dealt in life. My mother was cruel to me - she abused me physically, verbally, emotionally - often in front of my favored siblings. It was awful. I am so glad I had kind people in my lives during my childhood. I don’t think it would have helped for them to voice their observations to me. I do know my grandmother at one point did say some things to my mother about treating us equally. It did not help and my mother for very defensive. I also know people outside of our family expressed concern to my dad. He did nothing. He probably could have done something but was too afraid of my mother’s domineering personality. [/quote]

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