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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here with some additional info. I own my house outright, no mortgage.  I still have to pay utilities, tax, and maintenance of course.

He has some savings for a down payment. I don’t know how much we didn’t go into details on that. He had a decent job and earns a little less than me. However, my earnings are maxed out for what I do, and his will likely go up a lot more and surpass me in a few years.

He wants to pay the same amount he currently pays in rent to any house we buy together as his half, but that would require us to downgrade from what I currently own outright.[/quote]

I often think that the WAY people talk about these issues is a lot more important than what specifically is going on.

He is being financially reactive based on past experience without providing a lot of specifics to you. He wants to make a large financial decision as a couple from an emotional place rather than a rational one. He is essentially asking you to take on housing costs you do not currently have because he is not comfortable living in a home that you own on your own.

A rational approach to this situation would be to move into the current asset and use the opportunity to save money for a down payment on a house you both want, if you end up staying together and want to buy a place together. If he cannot live in a house that's only owned by you because it's too traumatic or emasculating or whatever, he is not ready to move in with you.[/quote]

To be fair I (a woman) didn't want to move into DH's house when we were dating.  I just like being a homeowner and feeling like my space is mine.  It's not rational, but it mattered to me.  We waited until we were married to buy something together, and until then, we kept our own places and went back and forth. [/quote]

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