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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]
Anonymous wrote:
Meant to say, I can't believe I "survived" this messy situation. I was first in my family to go to college and ended up triple majoring in 3 STEM degrees, all while going thru this nightmare.

Imagine studying Physics w/Calculus problems, taking 18-21 credit hours of Engineering and Computer courses, spending hours in the computer lab, and needing to rush home to make sure Mom was ok.

It was a relief when she went to this school, and an even more celebration when she graduated and was a successful and contributing adult.

This isn’t about you.[/quote]

That's a nasty comment.  Adoption/foster care IS about other children in the house.  As an adoptive mom to kids who were older at time of placement, I would have been wracked with guilt had we already had bio kids in the home given some of the behaviors we experienced.  People who already have children in the home should think long and hard before embarking on adoption or foster care because they already have lives for which they are responsible.   And choosing to adopt kids who may experience life long challenges and needs will---at some point---burden your existing children.  Yes, bio families can have children with special needs but that is not the same as affirmatively making the choice to create that situation for your existing children.  Kudos to the PP who survived the chaos.  A wise (and regretful) parent once told me that no family should allow the most disruptive member to control the family dynamic, as it is profoundly unfair to everyone else.  Your family did the right thing to send your sister to treatment.  We made a similar choice and also had positive results.[/quote]

Thank you. i was trying to show that while this affects siblings, it's possible for us siblings in the trenches to thrive. Hopefully OP can get good suggestions for help for her child and know that their siblings can possibly do well in the end.

It's difficult when you get criticized from people who you suspect have never faced these challenges. It's not just being low income or from a divorced family or whatever. It's living for years fearing that your adopted sibling might kill you or your mom tonight. And I've been criticized several times in this thread as a psycho for hiding the kitchen knives at night. WTF? I wasn't hiding them to use as weapons. I was hiding them to prevent my 14 yo damaged sister from stabbing me or our mom in the dark. Like several other adopted kids we knew did to their parents in our adoption group.

And I was 19. So sue me if you think I was dangerous for taking the kitchen knives and hiding them at night. I did what I thought would protect me and our mom. And you want to throw me in the crazed loony bin. I was suffering and struggling and meanwhile triple majoring in 3 STEM college degrees. I got 800 on GRE quantitative, 790 Analytical, 750 verbal. I SURVIVED and THRIVED. I was a smart kid, born into a poor, dysfunctional family, but I clawed my way up.

And some PP wants to say I'm dangerous for hiding knives. Well, I kept myself and my mother alive, and I now have a good relationship with my "fixed" sister. I think I made the correct decision.

OP - there is hope. You are at the depths of despair, but there are people and organizations who can help you. Please have hope.

[/quote]

Again this isn’t about you or siblings.  This child has mental health issues and needs help. [/quote]
Yes it also is. OP has a troubled child and siblings. I'm sure OP is also worried about the effect on the siblings. This is giving the parent hope that the siblings can thrive while also getting help for the troubled child. My story shows success for the troubled adopted child and also for the affected, stressed out siblings.

Would it be that hard for you to say, hey you survived despite the odds, yay you, and hooray for your parents getting your sister the needed help, maybe OP can find the same help and at the same time help the siblings by removing the immediate stress.

No, you just want to be mean and put down someone who struggled in the same situation OP has presented. If I were OP, I would love to hear success stories where the adopted child succeeded and the affected siblings thrived.[/quote]

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