Reply to How to talk to teenage DD about her father chasing women in their early 20s?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There was no need for you to talk to her about it at all.

You didn't say anything for her benefit.

You did it out of your own selfishness, hatred, and jealously.

Don't pretend otherwise.[/quote]

I’m not OP but I can get that she might be concerned that this women wouldn’t be the best math tutor for her daughter if she is being pursued by the dad.  OP knows she could have handled it better but I don’t thinks it’s totally unreasonable to tell dad something along the lines of the old “don’t sh$t where you eat” — dating your kids teacher or tutor is only appropriate where the kid is about to age out of that service or it is 100% true love like in a rom com and you have spent the appropriate amount of time trying to suppress your feelings.

Is your daughter in therapy?  A therapist would be the better one to discuss this with her.  But I think OP’s line for her daughter should be something like:

Everyone has their own life to lead, including your dad.  He and I are divorced so who he dates doesn’t affect me and you certainly shouldn’t be upset on my behalf.  Adult relationships are complicated and provided it’s all consensual, it’s okay.  If you want this woman to continue tutoring you, that okay with me — it’s your decision.  You’re gojng to have to figure out your own relationship with your dad — that’s part of growing up.  But my hope is that you continue to have a strong relationship with him even if you don’t appreciate all the decisions in his personal life.  Part of lioving someone is loving them even when they do things that wouldn’t be our first choice for them.

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