Reply to How to talk to teenage DD about her father chasing women in their early 20s?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am the OP of the following thread in the relationship forum:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1277224.page

The issue has become one more suitable for the Tweens and Teens forum.

My husband and I have lived separately for more than three years. He always cheated, sometimes with several women at the same time. 
DD doesn't know about the cheating part, and I do not plan to every discuss it with her.

However, a recent event has rocked her childhood: her 59 y.o. dad is chasing a 22 y.o. woman whom he found on a tutoring website about four weeks ago. They have done two tutoring sessions, DD is excited. STBXH has invited the young woman to his home and made it sound safe by proposing cultural outings with DD.

I have handled things poorly with DD and I don't know how to make it better. I asked her if it would be OK for her if we choose another math tutor. She asked why, and I told her because daddy considers himself to be an appropriate romantic partner for the tutor and I don't want to put DD in the middle of that situation.

I feel like this is a turning point in DD's childhood. She has asked questions and labeled her dad a "predator." She is distancing herself from her dad. I should have
made something up or I should have asked the tutor to
announce that she quits.

I feel like I just destroyed her childhood, when my goal was to protect her. I feel terrible.
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Let your daughter have the right to an opinion. She is seeing him for what he is. Please honor her choice to distance herself. [/quote]

I agree with this.  There are emotional consequences when fathers decide to cheat on, abandon, or divorce mothers. The child will make their own assessment of the whys.

A 15 year old girl is close enough to sexual maturity to figure out that her dad is a skirt chaser.  I'm sure this girl is smart.  There's no way she would miss the situation once it was onsite.  In fact it would have been more dishonest and disturbing because the kid would have been part of the cover story for why the 22 y.o. was coming to town.

The father here is being emotionally disloyal to both his wife and child, and has already cheated.  I think at this point none of the past problems need to be raised, but 15 is not a young and innocent age in today's America.

By the way, and not relevant to OP, because of dating consent training which happens in high school and even college orientation, many kids consider 3 year age gaps too much among teens who date.  This generation has much more training on predation, grooming, etc. than prior generations.

OP, you were right to disclose and cut off the tutoring.  Now you should keep your mouth shut re: passing judgment on what your DH is doing as you head for divorce.  If he wants to stay married, you can come up with a mutually agreeable way to handle.  Just be factual, and don't trash-talk your DH further.  The rest is up to your daughter.  This would have all come out at some point. Now vs. 2 years from now is no different age-wise.
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