Reply to How do I navigate my new overbearing friend?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Her mom died recently and she talked about that w you and you had a friend disappointment and talked to her about that. You’re getting closer. Also, I agree w PP: have some perspective. Her mom just died and she is undoubtedly in a lot of emotional pain/grief. No matter what her relationship with her mom was like, losing a parent is a huge deal. She needs friends right now. If you can’t be a good friend to her, why? What are you afraid of? Getting too close w somrone?

You mention you’re from the Midwest (or moved to DC from the Midwest) I lived in the Midwest for 9 years and though im very outgoing and friendly, it was so hard to make real friends there. Midwest people are kind but distant. It’s hard to become close bc they don’t really let you in. They have their family and their little friend group from childhood or hs or college and it’s very insular. They’re not open to making new, close friends. Maybe you fit that Midwest stereotype too, OP. Nice but just looking for surface level relationships.[/quote]

I’m not sure if this makes a difference or not but [b]her mom died in August, so it isn’t recent. She was talking about her because this was a few days after Mother’s Day.[/b] I offered to help her with moving her mom’s things because it was a considerate thing to do and wanted to be a good friend. I don’t want you all to think I’ve dismissed her grief.

Maybe it is a Midwest thing - “kind but distant”. I don’t know. [/quote]

Yeah ok based on the bolded, you don’t get to *SoB* about someone not being able to make it to your bach wtf is wrong w you. (Also if she actually really wanted and was able to go, she would, so clearly something serious came up or she realized she can’t afford it but again you’re too selfish to see this)

Agree that you’re a user, and your actions are not “distant” or cultural at all, don’t even.

Sorry you felt so violated that someone thought of you and tried to send you something small that she literally knew you would like, to brighten your day. Why on earth would you travel with someone you don’t actually consider to be a close, or-hopefully-will-be friend? I would LOVE a friend like this. I have friends like this. I aspire to be a friend like this. (Yours are crapping out of your bach and you can’t take it in stride so clearly there is something underlying this and you know it) It’s not even like she showed up unannounced at your door with the candles way over-wrapped and then barged in for 3 hours. THAT would be overbearing. She just had them shipped to you.

Seriously what’s going on w your wedding planning or your fiancé that you’re scapegoating your feelings of having your toes stepped on, onto this lovely new friend who is lower-stakes to you because she is new, less-known, wounded? Embarrassed to invite her to your wedding? Is the family member who’s paying for the thing blocking your dream aesthetic? Someday when your mom dies and you’re alone and you haven’t spoken to this woman in years, you are going to think back on all of this with regret. Hopefully you’ll have widened up and have better friends who will offer you compassion and not cry at you about how their sofa didn’t get delivered on time or whatever [/quote]

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