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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He's manipulating you and doing it because he's getting what he wants/a reaction.  It's not great that he is capable of doing this as it's emotionally abusive and dysfunctional.  I think that's where a therapist comes in.

Two of your stories are situations where you don't need to be present...a field trip and a 10 year old birthday party.  I would try to really just dis-engage and pull back from anything other than basic needs and see what happens.  Stop telling him to stop or talking about it at all.  Why are you even finding out the reason hours later?  Are you probing?   Who cares.  If he sulks and is silent, his loss.  Carry on with your life and ignore him.[/quote]

OP here, and I appreciate this advice. But what do I do in the moment? He absolutely looks like a brat for sitting things out or moping along when it’s unnecessary.[/quote]

Here's what I would do:

1) In the moment - pull him aside and say that he needs to stop pouting.  Then ignore him completely if he keeps it up (i.e., don't make a scene or feed his need for attention); then
2) after the event, speak to him one-on-one.  Like an upthread PP advised, describe the bad behavior in clear, neutral terms.  Explain why it's a problem, why it doesn't meet your standards of behavior, and that you expect him to behave better in the future.  You can put in some language here about what he *should* do if something upsets him - come to you at the time, take a break to cool off, whatever; then
3) next time you're leaving the house remind him that you expect him to participate/not shut down/not pout.  Quick reminder of the options he has in his tool belt for when things don't go his way; and now, the most important part:
4) if he does it again after the reminder, you leave.  And the next time there's somewhere he wants to be, you don't go.  And you tell him you're not going because he hasn't demonstrated he can meet your behavioral standards.

You shouldn't have to work through this list more than twice.  And maybe it seems harsh, but he's 10, and you've expressly stated that he doesn't have any underlying diagnoses that are fueling this behavior.  We dealt with my daughter overreacting to things not going her way when she was 5ish, and it was a slog but it was worth it, because now she knows what we expect from her and she meets those expectations.

Also if the pulling aside in #1 works, and he actually straightens up on that outing, then I would acknowledge it and thank him after the event.  Give attention to the behavior you want to encourage, not the behavior you're trying to eradicate.[/quote]

This is good advice.  I would be clear in #2 that his behavior is impacting others and is rude and disrespectful to people who have organized events and off putting to peers.  I would further explain that his peers will ultimately not want to be around him and not want to be friends with him based on this behavior.  I don't know what you've explained previously.  Maybe you've said all this.  Be very specific and practical.  I don't think this is mean.  Tell him the truth.  No one else will.  I think parents can sometimes be too vague.[/quote]

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